Archived Story

Things I was totally wrong about, probably

Published 12:27pm Sunday, September 26, 2010

Already two weeks into the NFL season, I feel the serious need to repent for some claims I made. I feel like Leslie Knope. I feel the compulsive need to publicly confess for very minor sins. I can’t let the possum go, because it might be guilty. Can’t make a good soup, can’t do a handstand in a pool. I can’t spell the word lieutenant.When it comes to making predictions about any sport, the minute that prediction goes south, for some reason I need to immediately disown it and apologize, even when the prediction had some very rational theorizing behind it.

For example, my theory on the 2010 Carolina Panthers turned out to be completely wrong even though I thought I they had good thing going.They returned their entire offensive line, had two super stud running backs, and Matt Moore seemed like a good game manager type. He had eight TD’s and two picks in limited time last year and a 61 percent completion percentage.The defense should’ve been decent with a good linebacking core and a solid secondary, even with the loss of Julius Peppers. I even thought the front four wouuld play harder and have something to prove without Peppers, who was a bit of a prima donna. I was wrong. Matt Moore holds on to the ball too long or throws a pick under pressure. He ruined “a friend of mine’s” three-team teaser when he threw two goal line picks on back to back drives against El Gigantes. DeAngelo Williams can’t get going because massive O-tackle Jeff Otah got hurt in the preseason (turns out he was their best lineman). Jonathon Stewart can’t get it going because they don’t have enough carries when they play from behind, and the D-line can’t get any pressure on the likes of Josh Freeman (who secretly might be good — we’ll find out in a few weeks). I was dead wrong about the Panthers, but you understand my logic right? Here are some other things I need to ‘fess up to:

-I thought the Cowboys offense would be awesome. I can’t figure out why it isn’t. Dez Bryant has looked awesome, as has Miles Austin. The line hasn’t really played badly. Witten is good. Martellus Bennet is good. Marion Barber is still chugging. Why aren’t they juggernauts? I think part of it has to do with Felix Jones putting on a few pounds and losing some speed. The other part is the coaching staff. I think the players are tired of Wade Phillips and are disjointed and undisciplined. He’s a glorified coordinator — not a motivator — and he’s fired if they lose on Sunday.

-The Steelers are doing fine. The defense looks rock solid and Polamalu is totally healthy. Did you see that jump over the line sack? Who does that? That was incredible! I’m not really sure if they can play from behind until Big Ben returns, but if they can keep up this tough D/decent run game thing going, they could have significantly more wins in the first six weeks than I would’ve thought.

-I thought the Cardinals would be decent. They are horrendous, and we totally should’ve seen it coming. They could’ve lost Boldin and kept Warner, or kept Boldin and lost Warner and they would’ve been decent. They couldn’t lose both guys. I think they should trade their oldest stars, play rookie QB Max Hall, and try to rebuild quickly and catch the tail end of Larry Fitzgerald’s prime.

-Kevin Kolb wasn’t great, and I kind of thought he would be. But it might be too early to tell because he was playing a good Packers defense and only for a half. It’s a bummer he didn’t get more of a chance to showcase his skills, because if Vick keeps up the good play, it would be hard to bench him in favor of Kolb.

Those are the things I was wrong about so far. Needless to say there will probably be a lot more to come, but just for the sake of my ego, here are some quick things (sans the gloating paragraphs) I might be right about up to this point: the Texans, the Packers, Miles Austin, Sam Bradford and the Vikings’ collapse. We’ll all have to wait and see, but in the immortal words of Chris Berman, “that’s why they play the….something.” I’ll think of it later.