Archived Story

What Futurebook says about Facebook

Published 11:55am Thursday, May 26, 2011

Column: Thanks for Listening

Hello, I am Futurebook, cousin of the now popular Facebook. I needed to stop by and let you know why most of you cannot find good jobs. What is that? You do not need jobs because you have more than 500 Facebook friends and happen to be quite popular. What else? Money is the root of all evil, and you can just live on love.

Cute. Those are both sweet sentiments but both are false.

You do need money to survive and both love and popularity will dwindle every time you borrow money to buy anything. You cannot live at Mom and Dad’s house forever as even loving parents have a limit.

So it is now established that you will need money.

The best way to get money is to work.

To work, you need a job. If you can remember back about 120 words or so ago, I stated that I am here to let you know why many of you cannot find jobs. In a nutshell, it’s my cousin’s fault. Actually it is not Facebook’s fault alone, but I thought it would be smart to tell you that because no one really likes to blame themselves, and it was a way to keep you reading. Blaming Facebook for how someone uses it is as dumb as Kentucky Fried Chicken creating the double down to help people lose weight.

Facebook can be a great thing in social media, but please do not:

1. Put photos of yourself in compromising situations.

Some examples are:

A. Holding liquor or even worse — drugs of any kind, especially if you are under the age of 21.

B. Doing anything illegal. If you need to know what is illegal, please ask a police officer or Google illegal stuff.

C. Being naked in any photo.

D. Telling people that they are No. 1 with a certain finger.

2. By posting swear words or cursing and complaining about your employer. It amazes me how many people are posting about their current jobs “sucking” while they are actually at said job. Please do not think that your bosses are stupid. You are showing everyone how unintelligent you are. Oh, by the way — good luck at your next review or the next time you are looking at moving up in the company. Think, baby, think!

Futurebook thinks that stopping and counting until 10 and then waiting a day until you post something that might be dangerously close to any of the above is a smart idea. Not posting is an even better idea.

Remember even though Facebook has rules, Consumer Reports recently reported that about 7.5 million Facebook users in the U.S. are under the age of 13, and about 5 million are under the age of 10.

Here are a few Futurebook rules to to keep your children safe on Facebook:

1. Parents should know the login password and have access to their child’s page.

2. An email of new posts, added friends, etc. should come to the family’s home email address.

3. Parents should consider having an account on Facebook themselves, and children should be expected to add and keep their parents as “friends.”

4. Children should not add strangers as friends, or use the Facebook “chat” application to talk to strangers.

5. Parents should set a limit on the time that children are allowed on Facebook.

6. The computer should be kept in a common area of the house, such as a living room or play room, where it will always be in easy view.

7. Children should never share personal information (address, phone number, pictures, etc.) with anyone on Facebook.

8. Children should immediately tell their parents if they see anything or talk to anyone on Facebook that makes them uncomfortable; and parents should take immediate action to block or report that material.

Facebook is not going away anytime soon, so please be smart.

Pink for Kadyn

This is for Kadyn and her family:

Today God wore pink to honor a little girl of 7.

God was wiping back tears as he took Kadyn’s hand and slowly walked her into heaven.

Kadyn asked God “what will I do up here with you?”

God slowly answered, “Watch over your mom and dad every day and love them through and through.

Kadyn said “that is easy because I love them more than they ever will know.”

God smiled down and said, “Good, because that’s how angels grow.”

Tribune Publisher Scott Schmeltzer’s column appears every Thursday.