The Nice Advice, by Leah Albert

Dear Leah,

My friend is constantly lying to me. She tells me she has boyfriends and tells me stories about their dates, but I know she has lied to me about some of them. Just the other day she was taking pills in

her kitchen and said they were for her heart. Her mom was there and said they were just vitamins. I don’t know what to believe anymore, and I don’t know if I want to be friends with someone who feels like she needs to lie to me.

— Friends Don’t Lie

 

Dear Friends Don’t Lie,

Friendships should be an authentic interaction between two people — but many times there are issues to work through before people truly open up to each other.

It sounds like your friend either has a lot of deep-seated emotional issues to address, or she is just playing with you. You will probably be able to tell which of these possibilities hold more truth by her interactions with others. She may not have a lot of friends, which could also be telling.

If your friend is struggling emotionally, there could be something more serious going on. Many people with bipolar disorder will pathologically lie. The lies they tell will have several characteristics, such as bringing more attention to the person or making their lives seem better. Often the lies they tell are so grandiose they are hard to believe.

The fact that your friend often lies about her relationships could also signify she has low self-esteem. She may feel having a boyfriend will give her a certain status with others or she sees others in relationships and is envious, so she has created her own world to make up for a sense of emptiness.

Your decision to stay and help your friend depends on your willingness to be there for her during the rough patches — which is really what true friendship is about.

If she does indeed have a mental health issue, such as bipolar disorder, it’s important for you to note this is not uncommon. According to the National Institute of Mental Health, 5.7 million American adults or about 2.6 percent of the U.S. population 18 and older have been diagnosed with bipolar disorder.

It’s important that, as a society, we take a closer look at how we can help people who are struggling with mental health conditions. The condition does not define who the person is, as many people who are struggling with anxiety disorders, depression, bipolar disorder, etc., are kind, generous people. Unfortunately, at times the symptoms they experience can turn people away or cause confusion and frustration.

Perhaps you can openly talk to your friend in a compassionate and understanding way about her lying. It may help her open up and explain to you why she lies, or if it is something she struggles to control — and has become a compulsion.

You may also find it helpful to talk to her mother, since she has also witnessed the behavior, and develop a plan to help support and find resources so your friend may become her authentic self.

Leah Albert is a fictitious character. She likes wine and writing. Don’t ask her to be a matchmaker. Do send your questions to Leah at theniceadviceleahalbert@gmail.com.