The Nice Advice, by Leah Albert

Dear Leah,

I’ve been dating the same guy for several years. This is the first time we’ll be away from each other for the holidays. Three weeks seems waaaay too long. How do we make it meaningful?

— Missing Him Already

 

Dear Missing,

The first few years in a relationship are pretty intense. It may feel wrenching to you now and you may not believe me, but the distance is good for you both.

It is hard that your separation is during the holidays when memories are being made and we intrinsically feel a need for closeness.

A quick fix would be to set up a variety of distractions. Do you have friends you haven’t spent quality time with for a while? Are there events you would like to go to with your family? Maybe you have projects to work on that you’ve been putting off?

It’s best not to sit at home pining away for your boyfriend. And you really can’t (or shouldn’t) spend all day on the phone with him. Someday you will regret missed opportunities to connect with other loved ones during this time.

Simple things matter the most, like having a regular time to talk every night. If you both agree on a time, you can respectfully step out during a party or touch base right before bed. This shows you’ve been intentional about connecting with each other. In a way, it’s your sacred space together during this time apart.

You can also set up a date where you go out for coffee to the same shop and “share” a drink or take a walk in a park and share photos of what you see.

It would be fun to plan a surprise with the help of his family or friends and leave little gifts or notes for him to find while you’re away from each other.

There is also plenty of time to send good old-fashioned love letters. Writing things down tends to help us process emotions, so you may find you feel a little closer to him after you’re finished. And the letters will become special keepsakes. Most people don’t save texts or e-mails for the rest of their lives. Hand-written letters are special.

When I said distance is good for you both; it truly is, at least to help put things in perspective. It’s important for your relationship to keep strong bonds with people who have been by your side for many years before you met each other. I would encourage regular time away to do this, or to simply reconnect with yourself. You will find it’s difficult, especially at first, but rewarding when you see each other again.

Leah Albert is a fictitious character. She likes wine and writing. Don’t ask her to be a matchmaker. Do send your questions to Leah at theniceadviceleahalbert.gmail.com.