The Nice Advice, By Leah Albert

Dear Leah,

I am a stay-at-home mom. Domestic engineer. I am married to a great man that works very hard to provide for me and our children. Every day is a lot of the same old thing. I wake up and start breakfast for my family while my husband showers and shaves, getting ready to head into the office. It isn’t long before I hear the little footsteps overhead. And eventually many footsteps, along with squeals and sometimes bickering.

As I corral the kids, my husband is stuffing a bit of breakfast in his mouth as he heads out the door. Rarely does he have time to sit with us — not that anyone does much sitting. The youngest is flinging food from his high chair; the other two are usually spilling something or complaining about bacon and eggs again. I am often running around doing damage control, refilling spilled drinks or shooing the puppy away from the table. And that’s just the start.

The day goes on with changing diapers, dressing, re-dressing and errand running. Sometimes we make it to the park. But only until someone dumps a bucket of sand over their head or throws rocks at his brother. Then it’s home for baths and time-outs. Trying to get anything done with three children is next to impossible and at times very frustrating. What’s worse is that my husband comes home and asks me what I’ve been doing all day.

Since we decided to have a family, it seems like he looks at me differently. Like he’s lost a little respect or admiration for me. I don’t blame him. I hardly recognize myself anymore. Gone is my career in the corporate world. Gone are the long days in the sun on the tennis court (and the body that went with it). The carefree smiles I gave so easily. Dancing the night away on an exotic vacation. The adventures we had that eventually brought us to loving each other.

I don’t want to lose those pieces of myself, or those pieces of us. How do I keep it all together?

Signed, Losing It

 

Dear Losing It,

The way I see it, you haven’t lost anything at all. You’ve grown — and gained.

All of the experience you’ve had to this point has made you the woman you are today. It’s hard to see the forest through the trees. I know that. In the quiet moments, as brief as they are, take a moment of reflection. Be thankful.

You might be a mess now, but it’s not forever. Soon those babies will be school-aged. Then off to college. Things will quiet down. You’ll get back into the workforce, if that’s what you want. You’ll have your sunset years with the man you love and have proudly raised a family with. Hang in there.

Leah

 

Leah Albert is a fictitious character. She likes wine and writing. Don’t ask her to be a matchmaker. Do send your questions to Leah at theniceadviceleahalbert@gmail.com.