The editor’s elitist ways have gone too far

Scott Schmeltzer, Thanks for Listening

Published Thursday, August 7, 2008

OK, I have had it with my editor!

He thinks he has the best house, the best neighborhood, the best dog. I am here to set the record straight. I have some inside information on his so-called “best dog” Alta. The first time I let Alta in the Albert Lea Tribune, she pooped right in the newsroom!

Now many of you probably think a lot of poop comes out of our newsroom anyway, but I normally have a rule of no pets in the Albert Lea Tribune. I gave in because Tim gave me the same song and dance he wrote about last week in his column. Alta is a highly trained super dog and she even does my taxes every year. Alta is so smart, blah, blah, blah. Alta is a good dog and is very well trained, but even the best trainers will get proven wrong from time to time.

I also have inside information from my Realtor that my house is in the best neighborhood. Before I purchased our home on the north side of Albert Lea, I asked our Realtor if the north side was the best. She said yes! So there you go, some inside information from a reliable source. She also said that Grand Avenue was the best street because it was named “Grand.”

Scott Schmeltzer

Apparently when naming streets years ago, the city said the best street in Freeborn County will be named “Grand,” and so there you have it.

If you need more actual proof of my neighborhood and street being the best, then let’s look at it a little closer. Grand Avenue and the neighborhood around it is near the high school football field. Go Tigers! And although the mayor does not live in our neighborhood, we kind of like it that way!

Our neighborhood also has a cool park named Troy Hammer with swings and everything. Our neighborhood hosts the back side of Green Lea Golf Course and is very convenient for the golfers in your family. The last and final piece about our neighborhood that makes it the best is that whenever I wave at someone, 83 percent of the time they wave back. Try to top that percentage, Tim!

So really when comparing neighborhoods, our editor Tim’s does not have the four things you need to be the best: a golf course, a football field, 83 percent waving-back ratio and the name Grand.

OK, back to our elitist editor and his best-dog stuff. I own a chocolate lab Molly and a puggle (beagle-pug mix) and they can beat any dog in three categories:

1. Being spoiled

2. Begging for human food

3. Sleeping

We also brought our dogs to training, but it was customer service training, as we thought that would be better for them when they started to look for jobs. So again, I think that we have proved that my dog is better than our editor’s.

Publisher’s note:

The above column is all in fun. I think that it is funny that so many people reacted to our editor’s columns about his dog and neighborhood. I have heard people say that he was an elitist, a snob, and thinks he is better than everyone. Nothing could be further from the truth.

Tim does like a good debate about issues, and that is what makes him a good editor. As far as living in the best neighborhood debate, I think wherever your family is and you’re happy, then that is the best neighborhood. If you are comfortable, then I think that is great! One thing that was taught to me when I was young is that if you are ever looking down on somebody, you better be helping them up!

Speaking of best neighborhoods and helping people out, I cannot think of a better neighborhood than the one at the fairgrounds Friday night. This neighborhood is the fastest-growing neighborhood in southern Minnesota, and it is called Relay for Life!

So join all of your new neighbors for a walk that matters. This neighborhood will inspire you to be better, to be closer, to be, well, a supporter!

Tribune Publisher Scott Schmeltzer’s column appears every Thursday.