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photo by Sarah Stultz
Terry Cunningham, third from left, sits in her home Thursday with her five adopted children. From left are Dylon, Shinead, Aahrailyah, Matthew and Camren Cunningham. Though Terry was never able to have any biological children, she said she is grateful she’s been able to still be a mother.
The adoption option
Twin Lakes mother grew up in a big family; now she has her five kids of her own
Published Saturday, May 9, 2009
Terry Cunningham is a nontraditional mother of sorts.
She grew up in a family of eight children. Her husband, Pat, grew up in a family of 10 kids. As you might imagine, she’s always wanted to have children.
But a year after she married Pat in 1984, she still hadn’t gotten pregnant. That’s when she found out she was unable to have children biologically.
The couple, who moved to their current residence at a farm in Twin Lakes 17 years ago, turned toward adoption.
In 1987, they adopted their son, Matthew, who is now 24, and in 1992, they adopted their daughter, Shinead, now 17.
Matthew was almost 2 when he was adopted, and Shinead was 5 1/2 months. Both were born in Korea.
Matthew now works at Naeve Hospital in Albert Lea, and Shinead is a student at Glenville-Emmons High School.
“Being able to love children I didn’t give birth to was never a problem,” Terry said.
After all, she’s a woman who loves children — she’s provided child care now for 30 years and has also been a foster parent.
Photo by Sarah Stultz
Mother Terry Cunningham, top center, sets the table for lunch Thursday as her children Camren, Dylon and Aahrailyah help. Terry and her husband, Pat, have adopted five children, and Terry also provides day care for several other children.
Photo by Sarah Stultz
Four-year-old Camren Cunningham hugs his adopted mother Terry Cunningham while they played in the family’s living room Thursday.
Photo by Sarah Stultz
Twin Lakes mother Terry Cunningham helps her adopted son Dylon build a road for him to drive his cars on in the living room Thursday. He was adopted a year ago in July.
“I just want people to know it’s very much natural when you adopt,” she said. “A lot of people wonder, ‘Would you love them the same as if they were birth children?’ To me there is no difference — none. It’s just that we picked them up at the airport instead of the delivery room.”
Recently, Terry and Pat adopted three more children they had been foster parents for.
The first, Dylon, 6, came to them as a foster child when he was 18 months old. He was adopted a year ago in July.
Aahrailyah, 6, and Camren, 4, had been with the family for quite a while as foster children, she said, when they were finally adopted Dec. 31.
They are all now a permanent part of the Cunningham family.
“It’s really been a wonderful experience,” she said. “I never thought we’d adopt anymore kids.”
Though the Cunningham household is a busy one — with up to as many as 10 day care children in the house along with the other children — a special love is felt as soon as you walk through the doors of the house.
“I feel so grateful,” Terry said. “I feel like I have really been blessed, especially if you don’t know if you’re going to be able to do it or not.”
As she reflected upon her role as a mother, she said being a mother is one of the best things she could ever do.
“It’s not a job; it’s a real blessing,” she said. “You get so much out of it.”
She noted she wants people who can’t have their own biological to know if they really want to be a family with children, there are children out there to adopt.
“Don’t let anything stop them from doing it,” she said. “You go through a lot, but if you really want to have children, they’re out there.”
Daughter Shinead, who has grown up surrounded by children her entire life, said she used to not want to ever go into day care. But now she’s considering it, too.
She said she loves her mother’s optimism, her loving personality and her caring attitude toward everyone. She wants to adopt someday, too.
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Comments
Posted by Culture_Warrior (anonymous) on May 10, 2009 at 10:13 a.m. (Suggest removal)
What a beautiful life affirming story! We need more of it in this world where life has been so devalued. Many blessings to the Cunningham family. You are living out the Gospel of life right before our very eyes!
Posted by alhsgrad90 (anonymous) on May 10, 2009 at 5:55 p.m. (Suggest removal)
I great idea how you adopt more kids from America. I am sick and tired of these people thinking that they are doing the world some good because they are adopted some kid for a different country. I am also sick and tired of people thinking that because they went to another country they now have some sort of ephinany. Check out the front page of the Star Tribune sports page and you will know what I mean. People we have are own problems in this country how about we take of ourselves before we try to rescue everyone else. I am sure there were many kids the in the Freeborn County area this woman could have adopted. The runner from the UofM how come you did not go to North Minneapolis and help those kids. Come on people lets fix America first.
Posted by rebeccalynna (anonymous) on May 10, 2009 at 9:42 p.m. (Suggest removal)
Besides Matthew and Shinead, the other children were all adopted from Freeborn County.
Posted by trifid (anonymous) on May 10, 2009 at 10:52 p.m. (Suggest removal)
You, alhsgrad90, are a human capable of compassion. If you feel North Minneapolis is in need of help(which it is) then feel free to help.
Your understanding of adoption appears almost zero, so I will not waste my time argueing the point.
Posted by alhsgrad90 (anonymous) on May 10, 2009 at 11 p.m. (Suggest removal)
All that I am saying is that people in this country think because we have such a high standard of living versus other countries in the world that we need to go fix them. Does anyone take the time to think that while these situtations are deplorable according to our standards yet to these other countries it is just fine. All I want is for the people of this country to start caring about it as much as they do Darfur or Ethopia or some other god forsaken place on this planet. Lets take care of the homefront before we go on some damn cursade to other places. Trifid, I have worked with many kids that live in North Minneapolis so I have tried my best to help them out of that crappy situation as I try to understand it as well.
Posted by alhsgrad90 (anonymous) on May 10, 2009 at 11:04 p.m. (Suggest removal)
Trifid, you say I lack compassion because I do not understand adoption. Then enlighten me, I have a friend who has adopted two children from Korea, and you know why they adopted from Korea it was cheaper than if they adopted a child from American. Go figure that one out!!!
Posted by scurvydog (anonymous) on May 11, 2009 at 7:05 a.m. (Suggest removal)
alhsgrad90
How is saving money on an adoption a lack of compassion? Adoption costs about $25,000 - up front. What about couples who don't have that kind of cash but desperately want children of their own to love?
I am not saying we shouldn't care for children who need homes here. We should. But for some, financially that is not an option. Should they be denied children just because they can't afford American children?
Kudos to you trifid. I know we've disagreed here from time to time but I think what you're doing is fantastic.
Posted by JayJ (anonymous) on May 11, 2009 at 9:19 a.m. (Suggest removal)
alhsgrad90- What you say here is mean and inconsiderate. Based on this photo I'd say that at least 3 of the 6 persons in this photo can read.
When I summarize what you wrote it says they don't deserve to have the kind of life they are living now.
Personally I think we need more stories with happy endings. They look like respectable people to me.
I thought it was a very nice Mother's Day story.
Posted by 1j2i3l4l (anonymous) on May 11, 2009 at 9:26 a.m. (Suggest removal)
My son has attended Terry's day ever since he was about 6 months old. She is an amazing women and a great care giver. And yes for the record 3 out of 5 of her adopted child are from freeborn county so yes she is taking care of her home front. She also does foster care for children in freeborn country. Trifid is right you sound very cold hearted. All I'm trying to say is maybe you shouldn't comment on situations if you don't know the person and the whole story.
Posted by alhsgrad90 (anonymous) on May 11, 2009 at 12:43 p.m. (Suggest removal)
Does anyone wonder why it cost so much up front to adopt? I know I don't but I wonder why is there so much to pay for an adoption. I also know that many people do adopt because they can not have childern on their own, like my friend and his wife. I would like to know why there is so a high cost to adopt and where does that money go? In addition if you have foster kids in your home the state gives you money to raise those kids. I had a former co-worker who has 8 foster kids and gets a pretty big check from the state every month. Gee, I wonder why she does that. But kudos do go out for taken on such huge responbility to Terry for doing this. She should be very proud and she should be praise for all the hard work that goes into raising kids whether are her own or adopted or otherwise.
Posted by scurvydog (anonymous) on May 11, 2009 at 9:40 p.m. (Suggest removal)
My guess why adoptions are so expensive is because of all the lawyer fees, and legalities involved - to make sure the legal rights of the biological parents and the adoptive parents are preserved. Biological parents have the right to change their mind up to (can't remember how long - 3-6 months, I think) after the adoption.
You would think there would be some kind of grant (and maybe there is but I've never heard of one) for couples who want to adopt. It's very cost prohibitive for couples who would be able to make it if they could have a child of their own, but who can't afford to adopt.
Posted by trifid (anonymous) on May 12, 2009 at 11:56 p.m. (Suggest removal)
scurvydog is correct. The massive amount of time put in by human services, lawyers, courts, medical, and endless fees runs up the cost of adoption in Western countries. The reason some overseas adoptions are less expensive is for various reasons: less buerocracy, help from different adoption agencies.
It is a tradgedy that costs are so prohibitive
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