Every so often I dream about what I’d like to read in the newspaper.

Tuesday, October 09, 2001

Every so often I dream about what I’d like to read in the newspaper. And with so many stories about terrorism and war in the news lately, I’ve been dreaming a lot. I’d like to read about antagonists giving up their conflicts and peace talks leading to actual peace. I want to read about politicians who really do want to serve and not just become more important than the rest of us. At any rate, here is some &uot;news&uot; I’d love to read (but probably never will):

Religious leaders say God is bigger than any one religion

After a lengthy meeting at the Vatican, leaders from a wide spectrum of religious groups -&160;including Christians, Muslims, Jews and Hindus – announced that it’s impossible for any human being to fully understand everything about God, and that all religions have, at times, misunderstood God’s intentions. They also acknowledged that their teachings about God have sometimes inspired fanatical individuals to use faith in God as an excuse to commit acts of violence. All those gathered pledged to spend more time trying to understand each other’s faith and working together to help make the world a better place for all people.

Anti-Abortion groups acknowledge that pregnant women can be trusted

Leaders of several anti-abortion organizations today declared that pregnant women can be trusted to make wise decisions concerning their unborn children. &uot;Turning pregnant women into potential criminals won’t really help,&uot; one spokesman said. &uot;We think it is best to support them emotionally and financially and then leave the decision-making up to them.&uot; The groups will be supporting the family planning and birth control education efforts of Planned Parenthood, producing resources and educational materials about adoption and parenting, and lobbying for a biology curriculum for schools which includes human reproduction as a topic.

Pro-choice activists pledge to end the use of abortion as a form of birth control

Stating that they have always been pro-life, pro-choice activists announced that they will be seeking ways to end the use of abortion as a form of birth control. Citing the alarming number of women who opt for abortion because the unborn child is the wrong gender or because they just couldn’t be bothered to use birth control when they were &uot;in the mood&uot; for intimacy, activists make it clear that this is not the kind of &uot;choice&uot; they are willing to fight for. Men and women need to take responsibility for their sexual behavior, their statement reads, and not just kill an unborn fetus because pregnancy is inconvenient.

Republicans say that people matter more than profits do

The National Committee of the Republican Party released a statement proclaiming that the welfare and happiness of people are more important than the stock market. The party is making it clear that policies that benefit employers – whether large or small – but that hurt families, and especially children, are not good for society. Republicans insist that we need a living wage in this country, a minimum wage that allows all families with young children to manage with only one adult working full-time outside of the home. In a related move, Republican members of Congress will be returning campaign contributions from businesses and individuals who stand to profit from pending legislation.

Democrats distance themselves from organized labor

After a lengthy discussion, leaders of the Democratic Party emerged from a Democratic National Committee meeting to announce that in the future, the Democrats will not be cooperating as closely with organized labor. Official links between the party and the unions will be severed and campaign contributions from union PACs will be returned. Instead, the party will start listening to the workers themselves and including them in their grassroots organizing. According to unnamed sources within the party leadership, the aim is to find out what workers need and want by talking to them directly, and not through filters provided by the unions.

President Bush consults allies before making major decisions about international affairs

There’s actually not much to say about this fictional &uot;news&uot; item. Up until Sept. 11, this idea really was a fantasy. As time passes, we’ll have to see whether this administration continues to think about the whole planet and doesn’t continue to act unilaterally whenever it makes decisions about international issues.

David Behling is a rural Albert Lea resident. His column appears Tuesdays.