Column: Cereal-aisle choices are starting to get out of hand
Published 12:00 am Tuesday, March 19, 2002
&t;I>&uot;Do you know what breakfast cereal is made of? It’s made of all those little curly wooden shavings you find in pencil sharpeners!&uot;&t;/I> – Roald Dahl (author of &uot;Charlie and the Chocolate Factory&uot;)&t;!—-&t;.
Tuesday, March 19, 2002
“Do you know what breakfast cereal is made of? It’s made of all those little curly wooden shavings you find in pencil sharpeners!” – Roald Dahl (author of “Charlie and the Chocolate Factory”)
Have you noticed just how many kinds of breakfast cereals are available for kids these days? When I was growing up, Cookie Crisp was the most outrageous cereal available. With some of the cereals they make now, however, kids will soon favor the cereal aisle over the candy store.
The combination of cereal and donuts has surfaced twice recently. One is the latest Cap’n Crunch concoction, Oops! Choco Donuts Cereal. It looks like little chocolate donuts with frosting and sprinkles. The other one is Homer’s (as in Homer Simpson) Cinnamon Donut Cereal. As much as I like donuts for breakfast (and I eat them five days a week), I don’t think they belong in the cereal bowl. They were fine the way they were. But then again, they’re already in the milk so at least you don’t have to dunk them.
Seeing Homer Simpson as a cereal mascot brought to mind Fruity and Cocoa Pebbles cereals. We now have The Flintstones and The Simpsons at our breakfast tables. Well, you can’t deny that cartoons and cereal go together. They both were part of my routine every Saturday morning. What I want to know is why we haven’t yet seen a South Park cereal. I suppose the creators of that show would have a tough time convincing network television to air the commercials.
Another thing I’ve noticed in cereals is just how sweetened they have become. It wasn’t enough that they made Cookie Crisp, now they have Oreo O’s. This cereal is supposed to taste like little Oreo cookies. It must be selling, though, because the manufacturers (if that’s what you do with cereal) found it necessary to improve it with “Extreme Creme Taste.” It’s not only cookies that have made it into America’s cereal bowls, though. For a few years now, Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups have been available in cereal form. I suppose Milk Duds or Raisinets will be next.
Now, back to the topic of Cap’n Crunch. Just how many cereals has this guy introduced? There used to be only three kinds: Original (which will bruise the roof of your mouth), Peanut Butter Crunch and Crunch Berries. Then came several variations of Crunch Berries, one of which was Oops! All Berries. Lucky Charms is heading down the same path. I remember when they added blue diamonds, the magical fifth marshmallow shape. That was in about 1975. Now how many shapes do they have, nine? If this trend continues, maybe someday we’ll see an Oops! All Marshmallows version. Hey! Maybe the candy manufacturers will beat General Mills to the punch and introduce Peeps Cereal, just in time for Easter!
Since we’re on the topic of marshmallow cereals, let’s talk about the classic monster cereals, Count Chocula, Franken Berry and Boo Berry. Remember them? Monsters and marshmallows must be a good combination, because there was also a cereal called Kaboom!, which featured a homicidal-looking clown reminiscent of John Wayne Gacy on the box.
Here’s my new cereal idea: Take the letter-shapes from Alpha Bits cereal, except only the As, Ks, Qs and Js. Replace the rest with cereal shaped like the numbers 2-10. Then add red and black marshmallow bits shaped like hearts, diamonds, clubs and spades, and viola! Black Jack Cereal! Can you picture the commercial for this one? Five or six kids sitting around a blackjack table, all with bowls of cereal. The dealer would pour the milk into the bowls, and the kids would begin to eat. Then one kid would finish his bowl and ask for more by saying, “Hit Me!” Of course, they’d have to include a toy prize inside, so the kids would have something to gamble over at the breakfast table.
They say breakfast is the most important meal of the day. Under that philosophy, I believe everyone should start the day off right and eat whatever he or she likes. There is certainly plenty of entertainment value in the choices available.
Dustin Petersen is an Albert Lea resident. His column appears Tuesdays.