&uot;Welcome back to the post-game show. As we continue our coverage of this thrilling (Big Sporting Event), we’ve got our correspondent, Patty Crane, down in the locker room to talk to some players. Patty?&uot;

&uot;Well, Bill, I’m here with Cleatus Rogers, the man who made the difference for the (Winning Team) here in this (Big Sporting Event) and was named MVP. How does it feel to finally get to the top, Cleatus?&uot;

&uot;Well, I have to say it’s a bit of a letdown, Patty. I was expecting it to be much more of an adrenaline rush. I thought I would be on top of the world. I mean, our team just won the (Big Sporting Event). I thought it would be the greatest feeling in the world, or that I’d feel like I finally achieved what I’ve been working for my whole life. But no, it’s just kind of ho-hum.&uot;

&uot;OK … well, how about your big (touchdown/ home run/basket/goal) that won the (Big Sporting Event) for your team? Tell us about that.&uot;

&uot;Well, Patty, I’m ashamed to admit that it was nothing more than dumb luck. You know what they say … how does it go? … oh, yeah. ‘Even a blind chicken gets a piece of corn every once in a while.’ That sums it up pretty good for me. I mean, you’ve seen me play. I never do anything for this team.&uot;

&uot;OK, well, let’s move on to (coach/manager) Chucky McGillicuddie, who led this team from last place a few years ago to the pinnacle of success this year. Coach, what do you have to say to the people who never believed in you?&uot;

&uot;Well, Patty, I didn’t believe in us either. It would be nice to be able to tell you that I knew all along that this group of guys was championship material, but the reality is far from that. I’m surprised we won half the number of games we did, and if you told me before the season that we’d win the (Big Sporting Event), I’d have laughed in your face. Those naysayers had reason to doubt us. This team is a collection of marginally talented misfits who can hardly stay out of jail long enough to make practice.&uot;

&uot;All right … well, something must have gone right. Was it teamwork?&uot;

&uot;Teamwork? Ha! Not these guys. On that (field/court/ice), it’s every man for himself. Every single guy on this team is in it for his own personal glory, and nothing more. That includes me. We wouldn’t even talk to each other if we didn’t have to. In fact, our team motto is ‘Individual Accomplishments Are Much More Important Than Team Success.’ It’s even written on the chalkboard in the meeting room.&uot;

&uot;Oh. Well, thanks, coach. Let’s see if there’s somebody else we can talk to. There! Hey, it’s Spritz MacAllister, the All-Star (quarterback/first baseman/forward/center). Hey, Spritz, the fans back in (City Name) must be going wild right now, huh?&uot;

&uot;Well, maybe. I don’t really know what regular people do. If I wasn’t here now, I’d be in a hot tub eating caviar with nine beautiful babes while forcing my servants to do humiliating little dances to entertain us. Maybe the fans are doing that. It doesn’t really matter to me, because our team has the worst fans in pro sports. I mean, they only come out when we’re winning, and the second anything goes wrong, they’re calling the talk shows complaining. Some so-called fans even wanted me to be benched a couple of years ago. Can you imagine that? Me, benched!&uot;

&uot;OK. Well, congratulations on winning the (Big Sporting Event). Anything else to say about it?&uot;

&uot;Well, I would like to say that God had nothing to do with our victory. I know some players like to thank him for their success, but the way I see it, this was all me. I didn’t see no God out there (throwing that big touchdown pass/hitting that key double/nailing that three-pointer with 8 seconds left/scoring that shorthanded goal). That was all me, baby.&uot;

&uot;All right, well, thanks, Spritz. Bill, that’s all down in the locker room. Back to you.&uot;

&uot;Thanks, Patty. Well, what we’ve just heard confirms what everybody has been saying. There’s no less-deserving group of players in sports than this crew. If anybody was going to win the (Big Sporting Event), I was hoping it wouldn’t be them.&uot;

Dylan Belden is the Tribune’s managing editor. His column appears Sundays. E-mail him at dylan.belden@albertleatribune.com.