One of the best things about my friend Albert L. Tribune is that he’s a well-rounded guy. You can ask him questions about any old thing, from something stupid like soda pop to something serious like war in Iraq, and he’ll have an answer ready for you.

So whenever I have built up a large enough stock of questions, both my own and others’, I head down to the Tribune’s musty basement, where Albert spends most of his time, and pose a few.

I visited our wise old sage this week, pretty much because I needed a break from the routine upstairs. Here’s Albert’s latest round of answers to the questions you may or may not have cared to ask:

Dear Albert: Why do we have two classic-rock radio stations in town now?

Albert says: The people who make these kinds of decisions did some market research and concluded that residents of Freeborn County wanted to hear &uot;Hotel California&uot; 50 times a day instead of just 25.

Dear Albert: What’s going on with my city water bill? They hiked the rate 20 percent, and at the same time, they started sending bills every month instead of every three months. How much extra is that monthly billing going to cost me?

Albert says: Well, my source down at City Hall tells me that the extra work and postage for the monthly billing will add about 25 cents onto each bill.

I’m told they changed to monthly because that was easier for some people to work into their budget &045; kind of like how I cut up my food into little tiny bites. It’s easier to swallow than one big chunk.

I’ve got a rip-roarin’ idea, though. If you liked paying every quarter, just multiply your monthly bill by three and send them that amount. Then you’re set for the next two months.

Dear Albert: I keep seeing this new Sierra Mist soft drink everywhere. They’re really pushing this stuff. The ads say it’s &uot;Shockingly Refreshing.&uot; Is it really?

Albert says: No, it’s not really any more refreshing than any other soda pop, sports drink, bottled water or juice concoction you can get at the corner store. The marketing folks just thought &uot;Shockingly Refreshing&uot; was a better slogan than &uot;Exactly Like Sprite.&uot;

Dear Albert: I’ve noticed that in February, May and November, the TV news, especially out of the Cities, is promoting a lot more investigative reports and news on all kinds of dangerous stuff. What’s up with those three months?

Albert says: Don’t you know that life becomes many times more perilous in February, May and November? Studies show that you are much more likely to be decapitated in your SUV, get ripped off by an auto mechanic, catch a new disease or find your kids addicted to the latest drug in February, May or November.

Oh, and this might also have something to do with it: Those are the months when they measure the ratings to determine their advertising rates, so they need to make us think not watching could get us killed.

Dear Albert: I read this week that eating one fewer cookie per day could be all it takes for people to lose weight. I also see that Minnesota has a $4.2 billion budget deficit. I can’t help but wonder if you have a suggestion that could link those two headlines in a semi-amusing manner.

Albert says: You’re in luck. I propose that all Minnesotans donate their one extra cookie per day to the government, which can then ship them to Iowa for a huge bake sale. If we get $1 per cookie, we could raise almost $2 billion after a year.

What do you think, governor?

Dear Albert: Speaking of the budget, why couldn’t the House and Senate agree on the first round of cuts? Now, the governor got to do whatever he wanted.

Albert says: Isn’t that convenient? Now Pawlenty looks like the bad guy. Luckily, though, he’s not up for election again for four years, while many legislators will be defending their seats again in two. Don’t you love politics?

Dear Albert: Iraq has weapons of mass destruction, North Korea’s working on nuclear weapons, and we’ve got terrorists running all over the place. Are you concerned about the future of the world?

Albert says: Let’s just say I haven’t been more glad to live in a basement since that Y2K thing. I just need to get a water supply and some canned food down here, and my bomb shelter will be complete.

Dylan Belden is the Tribune’s managing editor. His column appears Sundays. E-mail him at dylan.belden@albertleatribune.com.