Recently, I heard that the Sony corporation has trademarked the expression &uot;Shock and Awe.&uot; From what I understand, they plan to use this expression in conjunction with an upcoming video game.

The idea of a &uot;Shock and Awe&uot; video game got me thinking: What if the war in Iraq had corporate sponsors, much like sporting events? Given the opportunity, I bet all kinds of corporations would be willing to advertise during war coverage. Following are a few ideas for the types of commercials that might be shown.

The most obvious choice would be a beer commercial. Imagine an announcer saying, &uot;Operation Iraqi Freedom, brought to you by Budweiser. Nothing says freedom like the crisp, clean taste of Budweiser.&uot; Then they could show liberated Iraqis joining American soldiers in The Magic Carpet, a fictitious pub in the middle of Baghdad. The commercial would feature scenes of Iraqis at the same table as Americans, laughing, singing karaoke tunes, and just having a good time. At the end of the commercial, an Iraqi would stand up and shout &uot;To freedom!&uot; while lifting a bottle of Bud. Everyone in the bar would cheer and lift their bottles in response. The Budweiser logo would then fade in, ending the commercial.

Pepsi would be another likely sponsor. Their commercial could feature Saddam Hussein standing at the balcony of a palace, dictating to the masses. In his hand would be a can of Coca-Cola. In the middle of his rant, the camera would cut to what would appear to be a traditionally dressed Iraqi woman in the crowd. Just then, some techno-pop music would kick in, much to the confusion of the crowd. Bombs would fall from the sky, annihilating the palace. The Iraqi woman would open a can of Pepsi and remove the veil covering her face, and surprise! It would be Destiny Child’s Beyonce Knowles, who would take a sip of the Pepsi and bust into a remake of &uot;Dancin’ in the Streets.&uot; Thousands of Iraqi citizens would join her in a spectacularly choreographed number, culminating in the tearing down of Saddam posters and statues. Pepsi could even resurrect that &uot;The Choice of a New Generation&uot; tag line they had going back in the ’80s, just for this commercial.

I’m sure the fast-food industry would want a piece of the action, too. Taco Bell could unveil a &uot;new and improved Super Chalupa,&uot; and have a commercial featuring that annoying little Chihuahua in the cockpit of a bomber plane, and Saddam giving one of his speeches. To illustrate the enormous size of the new Chalupa, the dog could push a lever forward and &uot;drop the Chalupa,&uot; taking out Saddam. Then they could say &uot;Our new Super Chalupa is the bomb.&uot;

The automobile industry would have a heyday with this one: Some guy could be driving around in a small, four-cylinder car. Patriotic bumper stickers would be plastered all over the rear bumper. A voice-over would point out that the car was very fuel-efficient, reducing the need for foreign oil. The guy would then pull up next to a gas-guzzling SUV, driven by Saddam Hussein. The voice-over would then say &uot;which is important for those who support our nation’s efforts to combat terrorism.&uot; The scene would then cut to the gas gauge inside the SUV, which would drain all the way down to the &uot;empty&uot; mark. The guy in the car would continue driving, but Hussein would try and try to start his SUV without success. Then, that automobile manufacturer’s logo would pop up, with the words &uot;Stop Financing Terrorism&uot; underneath it.

Finally, Snickers could get into the act, with yet another Saddam commercial. He could be at the head of the table in his war room, barking orders to all his minions. All of a sudden, American soldiers could raid the compound, surrounding everyone at the table and drawing their weapons. Saddam and his henchmen would raise their arms in surrender, and a familiar Snickers quote would follow: &uot;Not going anywhere for a while?&uot;

These ideas might be somewhat silly, but hey &045; if we can get our corporations to finance the war, why not?

Dustin Petersen is an Albert Lea resident. His column appears Tuesdays.