There was a wonderful book written some years back called, &uot;All I Really Need to Know I Learned in Kindergarten.&uot; I am sure that I learned a lot in kindergarten, but I don’t remember any of it. I don’t think it was such a traumatic experience that I blocked it from my memory. I do know that I caught every childhood disease going around while I was in kindergarten. I attended kindergarten just long enough to catch the latest malady going around. I know this because my mother told me. Because of this blip in my memory system, everything I need to know, I learned in Hartland Elementary School &045; usually referred to as &uot;the grade school in Hartland.&uot; I had wonderful teachers who taught me so many important things while I was in grade school.

I won’t tell you how many years I spent in those six grades, but here are some of the things I learned.

I learned to be a team player.

When someone threw up, everyone threw up.

Musical chairs would have been more fun had there been more chairs. I guess this game was meant to teach us that there would not always be enough. This game is why most houses have more chairs than are really needed.

You can’t always get seconds of what you like, but if you are hungry enough you’ll be able to eat anything. You get bigger despite the school lunches. A food fight only seems like a good idea. Peas are actually better to eat than to throw. Beanie weenies and tater tot hotdish are very good and are foods for an entire lifetime. Tater tot hotdish should be our national food. I learned that a good fish stick has very little wood in it.

Girls mature faster than boys do and the males never do catch up. This is the reason that no man will ever be able to understand a woman.

Being a member of the school patrol would have been more enjoyable had we been allowed to arrest people. It would have been great to be able to slap the handcuffs on a jaywalker. I appreciate having a driver’s license much more after years of riding a school bus.

It was nice not having any monthly bills.

Not many rock-and-roll bands needed a good flutophone player.

A custodian is a great person to know. It is important to know folks who know where everything is.

You don’t have to be old to be forgetful. Unless you got a &uot;100&uot; on every test you ever took, you are not getting forgetful as you get older. You were always forgetful.

That the 3 R’s &045; reading, ‘riting and ‘rithmetic &045; can take a big bite out of one’s day. A black magic marker makes a bad highlighter. Fire drills happen only on nice days. You can get by without having the really big box of crayons. Spelling bees taught me that it is impossible for me to make a fool out of myself unless a crowd is gathered. A watched clock moves very slowly.

It is amazing what you can see by looking out a window. There is more to see there than on any TV. Daydreaming at the pencil sharpener leads to the mysterious disappearance of a pencil.

Dick and Jane had issues. Spot was the only character in those books that I could really identify with.

My teachers weren’t nearly as old as I thought, but no matter how old they were; a teacher with a plunger is never a happy teacher. A teacher can give you a bad grade and still be a good person. Everyone needs a recess, especially a teacher. If your gym teacher draws a chalk body outline on the gymnasium floor, you will be playing dodgeball.

The best napping was done during a filmstrip. This is a learned behavior that causes us to fall asleep in front of the TV. I should have taken the naps during &uot;nap time&uot; when I was supposed to. Now it is too late to take them.

A library is a magic place. Each time you visit a library, you become a smarter person. Readers really are leaders.

Cleaning erasers is a skill that you will not use much later in life. You should raise your hand before going to the bathroom. There is a different word for almost everything. I should have kept my baseball card collection.

The school bully usually ends up working in the mailroom of the company owned by the school nerd.

You are only young for a very short time.

Hartland resident Al Batt writes columns for the Wednesday and Sunday editions of the Tribune.