Column: Don’t bet on it

Published 12:00 am Friday, March 31, 2006

John Focke, Behind the mic

Well, after selling my left kidney to keep the hired goons back, I took one final look at my NCAA bracket and realized much to my chagrin that I had not picked a single final four team.

That forced me to look at other ways to make back my loses. With the baseball season right around the corner I figured there had to be ways to make money on my extensive knowledge from 25 years being a Twins fan. After promising my first-born child to the first bookie I met I was able to secure a line of credit and let the bets roll.

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Now, after my &8216;Midas’ touch at predicting the NCAA tournament, I decided against setting up anything resembling who is going to win the World Series, or guessing any of the division champs.

The first step to my financial recovery came when I put money on the opener. Most people put money on who will win, the over/under, or points. Well, with Brad Radke on the mound I put money on the Twins batting in the second inning trailing 1-0 on the first of many solo home runs given up by the Twins’ ace.

With that my confidence began to grow and I parlayed the earnings on the over/under for the number of times Kyle Lohse will attack Gardy’s door. The number was set at three. I took the under, my thinking being, after winning an arbitration hearing for the second consecutive year why waste your energy on the mound or the managers door?

After spending some time with my calculator and a scale, I decided to place a bet on what the combined weight of Ruben Sierra and Tony Batista would be by the end of the season. Sorry, I can’t tell what it was, but just know it was only a fourth of what Bartolo Colon already weighs.

Thinking back on my recent follies I felt it was time to lay down an easy money bet, sort oflike a security blanket, somewhat like Doug Mientkiewicz stealing the Red Sox series clinching baseball to put on Ebay.

That bet came in the form of yet another former Minnesota Twin, Eric Milton. Last season Milton gave up 40 home runs. That means he has given up 83 in the past two years. Can he crack the century mark? I think so. But the bigger question, can the Twins crack 90 wins and get back to the post-season? Let’s just say I’m not putting money on it, which means there’s a good bet it will happen.