Heard of Dancing with the Stars’? How about Changing Oil’?

Published 12:00 am Monday, March 6, 2006

Scott Schmeltzer, Thanks for listening

I was wandering through my e-mail messages the other day when my wife and daughter yelled to me to come and watch this show with them. After I sat down to watch, I asked, &8220;What are we watching?&8221; My daughter said the show was called &8220;Dancing with the Stars&8221; and this was the grand finale show. I watched and had the normal &8220;man&8221; questions about this show, as I had never seen or heard about this show before.

My first question was, &8220;Hey, is that Jerry Rice?&8221; Jerry Rice is the all-time greatest wide receiver in the history of professional football and here he was dancing on television.

Email newsletter signup

My daughter said to me, &8220;Yeah, I think he used to play football or something.&8221;

My second question was &8220;Isn’t it hard to dance in heels?&8221; My wife just laughed at me and gave me that you-are-not-very-bright look that I seem to get too often lately.

No, really, I cannot imagine how women can walk in heels, let alone dance in them, so I have great respect for any man or woman who can not only walk, let alone dance, in heels that look, say, about five inches long.

My wife said it is hard, but it just seems to come naturally after a while.

Now, I had to laugh, because walking or dancing in shoes that have a five-inch lift on them would never come natural to me. I think I would suffer from vertigo and fall on my butt.

After watching the show for a while, I had to say that it does take skill and the work involved is unquestioned, but why is a show like this popular?

My wife said because people like to see stars doing something different than they normally do.

First, I question that they are all stars. Names such as Tatum O’Neal, Lisa Rinna, Master P., George Hamilton and Drew Lachey don’t make me think of &045; well, they didn’t make me think of anything since three of these people I did not know and had to be told what they did and that they actually were famous.

Second, why is performing on TV different than what they normally do? Don’t they make a living out of performing on TV or stage or something?

If they want to do something different, I think they should come to my house and build me a deck for my house or clean my garage. Now that would be a great show: &8220;Cleaning Houses with the Stars.&8221;

We could get semi-famous people to go to different houses and actually clean them. I would watch Greg Brady clean some grout or Punky Brewster scrub a bathroom floor. Now that’s entertainment.

While we are at it, I thought of some other semi-star-based shows that would be cool to watch:

&8220;Changing Oil with the Stars&8221;: It could star the two guys from &8220;Chips&8221; and the gals from &8220;Facts of life&8221;. I think Jo would be a big help as she was sort of manly anyway and who wouldn’t want Ponch to actually work for awhile.

&8220;Eating Food with the Stars&8221;: It could have actual stars having to eat more than a cracker. It could star the &8220;Full House&8221; twins having to eat meatloaf and mashed potatoes and doubling in size.

&8220;Walking Dogs with the Stars&8221;: I would love to see that nasty little Nelly from &8220;Little House on the Prairie&8221; clean up dog poop or George from &8220;Seinfeld&8221; get peed upon.

Well, back to reality, as the &8220;Dancing With the Stars&8221; comes to an end with the huge announcement that the winner is Drew Lachey and dance partner Cheryl. I am happy for them, and now the world can go back to what we were all doing prior to this huge TV moment.

Just for the record, though. Stacey Keebler got robbed! She was the best dancer!

(Scott Schmeltzer is the publisher of the Albert Lea Tribune.)