John Focke, Behind the mic

The rain had been coming down for three straight days, would it ever end I wondered? Things had been strange all across the board that weekend.

First the Houston Texans signed and drafted Mario Williams No. 1 in the NFL Draft. Leaving the Saints to pick up the best player

in the country (Reggie Bush) at No. 2.

Then I noticed my neighbor had just finished building an ark and was slowly loading all sorts of animals on it.

But most disturbing was the L.A. Lakers, not only were they playing as a team but after Kobe’s heroics Sunday, they held a huge series lead on the Suns. The team I picked to come out of the West. (Lesson: never bet on what I think will happen, that and gambling ruins lives.)

As the rain continued to pour, and I fielded messages about Kobe’s latest additions to his legend, there was a knock on my door. I opened it to find no one there just a note attached to a basketball. &8220;Meet me in the parking ramp to learn more about Kobe.&8221; (Now I realize Albert Lea doesn’t have a parking ramp but bear with me.)

Confused as to who could have dropped this off, I hopped in my rowboat and made it safely to the parking ramp. I hustled to the fifth floor, and began to search the dimly lit area for my mysterious informant. It was then I heard, &8220;Stop right there, don’t turn around. I have some information for you.&8221;

The deep booming voice from behind continued, &8220;You are confused by this Lakers team. Almost everyone is. But I can tell you what happened. This is a pattern set up by Kobe Bryant, a pattern that goes all the way back to his days in high school.&8221;

Intrigued, I told the voice to continue. &8220;Back then, it was rumored that Kobe used to tank the first three quarters of high school basketball games, in order to set himself up for the game winning shot to look like a hero.&8221;

&8220;But what if it didn’t work, and he missed the shot, or the other team got too far ahead and Kobe’s team couldn’t come back. That theory is stupid,&8221; I stated rather angrily, for it was cold and rainy and here I am listening to deep throat spew nonsense. Was this good journalism?

&8220;Think about it! Kobe would never let the game get that out of hand, and you know as well as I do that he had no fear taking the last shot. Look at his series as a rookie against Utah. Nine air balls. That is not a person who fears the last shot. This year is a perfect example,” barked the voice behind me.

&8220;Kobe played selfish all season, breaking down his team. Putting his personal goals, 81 points, winning the scoring title, above the team. He made them a seventh seed, and then in the last two weeks of the season he said to himself. It’s the fourth quarter; let’s turn it on. Kobe then made everyone on that team better. And now to add to his legacy he will carry the Lakers from a seventh seed to the NBA Finals.&8221;

&8220;Okay,&8221; I replied, &8220;you might be right, but the Knicks made it to the finals as the eighth seed and no one is fast tracking Larry Johnson or Allan Houston to the Hall. Who cares what seed they are?&8221;

The voice chuckled, &8220;You obviously watch a lot of the NBA, I bet you have John Tesh’s &8216;Roundball Rock’ on CD somewhere. (Actually I do!) But the Knicks didn’t win that year. And talent-wise they were much better than this year’s Lakers squad. Trust me, Kobe carries this team to the finals where they lose to the Detroit Pistons. For Kobe it will be a victory. Not only did he make the finals without Shaq, but he did it as the focal point of a team much worse than Shaq’s Heat team, which was supposedly built for the post-season. That is what Kobe worries about.”

With that the voice behind me shouted, “Bill Bradley!” and poof he was almost gone before I could turn around. All I caught was the sight of his pale skin, red hair and eyeglasses strap. It had to be Kurt Rambis!

On an even stranger note, the next day (Monday) both Kobe and Shaq’s wives gave birth to baby girls six minutes apart. It must be playoff time!