By Al Batt, Tribune columnist

My neighbor Crandall stops by.

&8220;How are you doing?&8221; I ask.

&8220;My wild oats have turned to shredded wheat. All I ask is a chance to prove that money can’t buy happiness. I need money because you can buy anything on eBay. I just bought the world’s oldest globe. It’s flat.&8221;

&8220;You didn’t lose another job?&8221; I ask.

&8220;No, I didn’t lose it. It’s still there. It’s just that someone else is doing it now. I found myself feeling a little blue after I lost the job and spent an entire day listening to Celine Dion albums. Or at least that’s what I thought I was doing.&160; Turns out the cat had just fallen into the dryer and was trying to get out. Remember playing spin the bottle when we were kids? A girl would spin the bottle and if it pointed to you when it stopped, the girl could either kiss you or give you a quarter. That’s how I bought my house. I was walking down the street the other day with a computer under one arm and a wastebasket under the other.&160; A policeman stopped me and said. &8216;I’m going to have to arrest you for impersonating an office, sir.’ I am never going to the Chew & Choke again.&8221;

&8220;Now what?&8221; I say.

&8220;I ordered coffee and a glazed sinker and told them to step on it.&160; They brought me a squashed doughnut.&8221;

Song Sparrow

The Song Sparrow is one of our most vocal of singing birds. I watched a male perched on a grain auger the other day as he threw &160;back his head and let loose. Some compare the first three notes of the song to the first three notes of Beethoven’s fifth symphony. Thoreau phrased it as, Maids! maids! maids! Hang up your teakettle-ettle-ettle. The male starts singing as soon as he arrives on territory. This is a very valuable bird as it eats many insects that are harmful to our fields and gardens.

Bird watching

What is it that attracts us to birds? Perhaps it is because they have traits that are similar to ours. They are bold, they are shy. They are fierce, they are gentle. Almost every human quality is reflected in that of a bird. We can watch the dramas of the lives of birds play out right before our eyes. We envy their ability of flight.&160; I think that David Attenborough, in his &8220;The Life of Birds,&8221; summed it up well, &8220;They are lively, they are lovely, and they are everywhere.&8221; Birds are more than worth watching.

Eggs

The Canada Goose lays a big egg, about 3 inches in length. She is designed to incubate six eggs. If there are more than six eggs in a nest, it may be due to another goose having dumped an egg in her nest. The hatchlings are &8220;precocial,&8221; meaning they are relatively well-developed, have a thick coat of natal down, and are able to feed themselves almost immediately. By contrast, songbird hatchlings are altricial — helpless, naked, eyes closed, and totally dependent upon their parents.

I saw a pair of geese with 21 goslings. How did that happen? Adoption. Often, one pair will drive another off a territory and adopt the goslings. The displaced parents will fly off (often to the north) with other geese in the same predicament and go through a molt.

The California Condor generally will lay only one egg , while the Bald Eagle and the Common Loon will usually lay two eggs. Many songbirds like the cardinals and Blue Jays will have 4 to 6 eggs. Ducks and turkeys will lay as many as 15. The species that likely lays the most eggs in one season is the Brown-headed Cowbird. The adult female will produce 30-40 eggs a year. She lays all her eggs in the nests of other birds.

What determines the number of eggs a bird will lay? There are a number of factors. The shorter a bird’s life, such as a short-lived goldfinch or chickadee, the more eggs the female will lay. In addition these birds will often have multiple broods per season. The longer-lived species lay fewer eggs.

Food is another factor in clutch size. The harder it is to find the food the fewer the chicks. Cavity nesters such as woodpeckers have large clutch sizes compared to open nesters. Nest cavities are safer places to incubate. Young females tend to lay fewer eggs than older females.

The Dickcissel

The Dickcissel is a beautiful bird, about half the size of a &160;meadowlark, a bird it resembles. The Dickcissel has been called &8220;the poor man’s meadowlark&8221; or a &8220;miniature meadowlark.&8221; Like the meadowlark, the Dickcissel has a black V emblazoned on a yellow breast, looking like a cardigan sweater. The Dickcissel has a chestnut colored back. Meadowlarks and Dickcissels prefer the same kind of grassy habitat.&160; The Dickcissel’s song is, &8220;Dick! Dick! Sis. Sis. Sis.&8221;

Paul Wellstone memorial and historic site

I stopped near Eveleth and read the following memorial written by LeAnn Littlewolf, &8220;The eagles circle in a ceremony to guide their kind friends home. Though our time here is brief, an ancient truth circles with the eagles! That spirits never die. They stay alive in love, in hope, in eagles’ wings touching the sky, in people extending hands to one another to circle like an eagle and bring everyone home.&8221;&160;

Pelican Breeze

Please join me as I host a tour of beautiful Albert Lea Lake.&160; Call 507-383-2630 to book a seat on Saturday, Aug. 26 at 7 p.m. or Sunday, Sept. 3 at 2 p.m.

Alaska

Dr. Seuss wrote, &8220;You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself in any direction you choose. You’re on your own. And you know what you know. You are the guy who’ll decide where to go.&8221; You should go to Alaska. Join me on August 10-17.

&160; For more information on this delightful trip, call 507-373-4705 or 800-328-4298.

Thank you

My appreciation goes out to The Izaak Walton League for awarding me the Ed Franey Conservation Media Award. I am humbled.

Thanks for stopping by

&8220;If you want to test your memory, try to recall what you were worrying about one year ago today.&8221; &045;&160;E. Joseph Cossman

&8220;Your living is determined not so much by what life brings you as by the attitude you bring to life; not so much by what happens to you as by the way your mind looks at what happens.&8221; &045;&160;Lewis

L. Dunnington

DO GOOD.

(Al Batt of Hartland is a member of the Albert Lea Audubon Society. E-mail him at SnoEowl@aol.com.)