Al Batt, Tales from Exit 22

A friend tells me that she suffers from something called &8220;sometimer&8217;s disease.&8221;

She says the malady causes her to sometimes remember someone&8217;s name and sometimes to forget someone&8217;s name.

My wonderful mother-in-law occasionally calls one of her three daughters by all three of her daughters&8217; names. &8220;Gail-Donna-Mary.&8221; That way she knows she called her child by the right name.

I attended a visitation for an old friend who had a very large family.

All the extended members of his family wore nametags. I found it helpful. There were so many grandchildren and great-grandchildren and in-laws that identification became problematic. It would have been impossible to keep track of them without a scorecard &8212; or the name tags.

I&8217;m going to say this even though I am reminded of my mother&8217;s admonition, &8220;Be careful what you wish for, you might just get it.&8221;

Maybe we should all wear name tags.

That is, as long as it doesn&8217;t violate anyone&8217;s civil liberties.

A lot of folks already wear name tags. Police officers, mechanics, servers in restaurants, some pro athletes, store clerks and many others. Class reunions feature such identifiers. Even automobiles wear nametags.

You could be arrested for indecent exposure for attending a conference or a seminar without bearing a nametag.

Name tags would make it easier to identify and capture criminals.

Of course, there wouldn&8217;t be so many criminals if everyone wore name tags. People behave better &8212; politicians and professional wrestlers aside &8212; when folks know who they are.

Name tags would eliminate those awkward and uncomfortable moments. You know the ones. You see someone you know approaching. His face is familiar, but for some reason, his name escapes you. His name is on the tip of your tongue, but it refuses to venture any farther. Your mind runs quickly through the alphabet, hoping that a single letter will provide enough of a hint to allow you to recall the man&8217;s name.

The man exacerbates the situation by bypassing saying &8220;Hello,&8221; and going directly to, &8220;I&8217;ll bet you don&8217;t remember me, do you?&8221;

Those few words guarantee that you will not be able to remember his moniker.

But what do you do? You tell a tiny lie in the mistaken belief that you are being kind. You say, &8220;Of course, I do.&8221;

You smile, assured that an awkward situation has been avoided.

Your nameless friend replies, &8220;Then what&8217;s my name?&8221;

Oh, a memory can play cruel tricks.

You mumble, &8220;Oh, buddy, of course, I know your name. Come on, pal,

you don&8217;t think I&8217;d ever

forget your name, do you, friend? You guy, are my amigo, old chum.&8221;

Your father doesn&8217;t believe a word you&8217;ve said and immediately makes plans to take you out of his will.

A simple name tag would have saved a lot of hurt feelings and lawyer fees.

From the mailbag

I asked: Who did you like better, Roy Rogers or Gene Autry?

Bob Hargis asked me to look up the code of his favorite cowboy. Here it is.

Hopalong Cassidy&8217;s Creed for American Boys and Girls:

The highest badge of honor a person can wear is honesty. Be truthful at all times. Your parents are the best friends you have. Listen to them and obey their instructions. If you want to be respected, you must respect others. Show good manners in every way. Only through hard work and study can you succeed. Don&8217;t be lazy. Your good deeds always come to light. So don&8217;t boast or be a show-off. If you waste time or money today, you will regret it tomorrow. Practice thrift in all ways. Many animals are good and loyal companions. Be friendly and kind to them. A strong, healthy body is a precious gift. Be neat and clean. Our country&8217;s laws are made for your protection. Observe them carefully. Children in many foreign lands are less fortunate than you.

Be glad and proud you are an American.

Rodney Hatle wrote: Both Roy Rogers and Gene Autry were good examples for youth. I liked Gene over Roy because he seemed less pretentious to my youthful sensibilities. Had something to do with his less-showy clothes and dark horse Champion, as well as the timbre of his voice. He didn&8217;t smile too much. And his eyes flashed a kind of honesty that fit the words of his script. This was a contrast with Roy&8217;s flashy clothes and Trigger. Roy had a thin voice. I would never go so far as to say Roy came off as dishonest, but his given name was, after all, Leonard Sly. I also liked Smiley Burnett addressing Gene as &8220;Mister Artery.&8221;

(You can find Al Batt in Hartland. He&8217;ll be the only one wearing a name tag. His columns appear every Wednesday and Sunday.)