“God gave us memory that we might have roses in December.” — James Matthew Barrie.

Here are my memories of December.

The government bit off more than the taxpayers can chew with many bailouts.

Dec. 31 was “Make Up Your Mind Day.” Or maybe it was June 11 or Oct. 4?

Metal prices fell further than they did during the Great Depression.

The metals losing the most value were nickels, dimes and quarters.

A study of high school students said that U.S. teens lie, cheat and steal at an alarming rate. At least we know where our next generation of CEOs and politicians is coming from.

The Houston airport installed karaoke machines that people could sing into while waiting for flights. It’s part of the airport’s “Flying isn’t annoying enough” policy.

Bernard Madoff defrauded $50 billion from his investors. Shouldn’t there have been a red flag with someone whose last name is pronounced “Made Off”?

Congress approved a huge loan for Detroit. The Big Three automakers immediately invested that money with Bernie Madoff.

A paleobiologist found some of the world’s oldest spider webs. They were at the University of Iowa’s campus library in the section reserved for football players.

A cold snap hit the Midwest. It was so cold in Illinois that the governor was selling heated Senate seats.

Polaroid announced it had filed for Chapter 11 bankruptcy protection. Company insiders said that its financial situation was not a pretty picture.

Another Christmas came and went. Some were run over by a reindeer while others were dragged behind Santa’s sleigh. It was a time for exchanging gifts. Thursday I exchanged them with loved ones and Friday they exchanged them at the stores.

The good news was that gas prices were half the price of a year earlier. The bad news was that the oil companies will ask for a multi-billion dollar bailout.

Tennyson’s “The Death of the Old Year” reads, “Full knee-deep lies the winter snow And the winter winds are wearily sighing: Toll ye the church-bell sad and slow, And tread softly and speak low, For the old year lies a-dying.”

Winter

I watched my lawn flamingos slowly freeze.

And lo, the skies did open and spewed forth a wretched pestilence upon the land and there was much wailing and gnashing of teeth.

The snow came down like dinner plates. I took three steps and I was still on the same snowflake. If I can see the trees, it’s going to snow. If I can’t see the trees, it’s already snowing.

I heard that the Eskimos have 32 words for snow. That might be true, but here we have only two. One is “snow” and the other is unprintable.

The roads less traveled became the roads that cannot be traveled.

The mercury in the thermometer hung at two clapboards below the bracket. Minnesota had become the land of 10,000 lakes — all frozen over.

However, the mosquitoes weren’t bad and I’ll have no more heat rash.

Winter lasts only 89 days.

It seems longer doesn’t it?

There are two kinds of people. There are those who see the glass as half empty and there are those who see the glass with too much winter in it.

Minnesota knows how to throw a winter. Winter can be tough. Every mile in the summer is two in the winter.

Winter is cold and dark. The darkness gives the cold a place to hide. The wind howls—winter has sharp wings. Thanks to the wind, whatever snow we get is well used.

I try not to think of what would have happened had Noah cruised farther north and run into 40 days and 40 nights of snow.

Teams of experts on TV advise us that we would be well served by hunkering down in our cozy homes until mid-May. They are the Paul Reveres of weather invasions. They provide stress that is motivated by ratings. They stand in front of weather maps that look like they were painted by Picasso. They sound optimistic about pessimistic predictions. They tell us that weather has seen its better days.

Winters were more severe when I was a boy. We didn’t have global warming then. We didn’t even know about Al Gore. The temperature sometimes hit temperatures as cold as a bazillion degrees below zero. The glaciers did a lot of damage during those years.

On those days when it’s so cold that footprints run back into the house, a good hat and good footwear are the keys to survival. If you can keep both ends warm, the middle will take care of itself.

Why is it that winter makes us appreciate spring more than summer makes us appreciate fall?

Winter is here. Can spring be far behind?

Yes.

Hartland resident Al Batt’s columns appear every Wednesday and Sunday.