Some advice to men and women on romance

Published 8:47 am Thursday, February 19, 2009

I think it is funny that all these romance books and movies suddenly appear around Valentine’s Day. The books and movies all put pressure on finding the right woman or the right man.

The movie “He’s Just Not That into You,” which is based on a book, is a good example of this funny phenomenon. I am writing this column a few days after the whole Valentine’s craziness just to point out a few basic facts about men and women.

I should really start a weekly column giving advice to men and women because both sexes do not seem to get it — “it” being the understanding of the other.

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When it comes to men and women dating, there are some basic facts:

1. Women want to be pampered and taken care of.

2. Men want women to think they are cool and/or tough.

3. Women want to look better than other women or at least have more of what other women might have — jewelry, cars, clothes, purses, etc.

4. Men want to have a better car or truck than the other man.

5. Women want to be put on a stool and admired.

6. Men want to be left alone.

OK, now that we have a few basics down we can get to the dating portion of my column.

I am old-fashioned, been married for a long time to a wonderful woman named Bonnie. I have a soon-to-be 15-year-old daughter and two sons, one in college and one married. I was raised with three older sisters, so my qualifications on dating are not just my own experiences but also from friends and family.

Men: When asking a lady out on a date, do the following:

1. Pay for the date — none of this split, Dutch treat stuff. Man up and pay for the whole date.

2. Open the doors for your date. As a matter of fact, you should be opening the doors for all the women in your life as well as people you do not even know. It’s called being courteous.

3. Compliment your date. Many of you fail here because you do not know what to compliment your date on. Here are the basics — hair, outfit, shoes, eyes, personality.

4. Take her somewhere nice. If it is your first date and you go to McDonald’s do not expect a second date. A movie or a nice restaurant is good, but bonus points go to the man who actually finds out what the women likes and does that. Examples: plays or a concert of her favorite musician.

5. Talk during the date. Being shy is a cop out; you need to step up and talk to your date. Here is the catch: Do not talk too much, you need to ask your date some things about her. What is her favorite band, movie, etc?

6. End of First Date I: Too many variables to have a set plan. You need to judge how the date is going and base a plan accordingly. Be ready always to ask for a second date if all goes well and if you say that you will call her, call her within the next 24 hours. I do not think it is advisable, but texting, Facebooking also may be acceptable based on your age. I say actually talking either face to face or on the phone is the way to go.

7. End of First Date II: If you do not care to have a second date with this person, please tell her right away! Do it in person and do not drag it on. Again, you need to be a man and tell the person the truth. You may think you are sparing feelings, but you are not.

Women: When going on a date, do the following:

1. Say thank you to your date for opening doors and compliments you may receive.

2. Do not order the smallest piece of lettuce on the menu. Eat normal because that lets us know you are comfortable enough with us to be yourself.

3. Do not talk about an old boyfriend because men do not care.

4. Compliment your date. Here are the basics: Car or truck, eyes, hair.

5. Talk on date, but again, not too much.

6. End of First Date I: See previous No. 6.

7. End of First Date II: Same as previous No. 7 Tell the truth.

Both sexes, here is advice about dating in general:

1. Be honest.

2. Do not bring too many friends into mix about your date as this will complicate matters much more than you think, especially if your friends are nosy or dumb.

3. It’s not rocket science! Treat your date the way you would like to be treated.


If date goes well, sending flowers or a card to your date is a good thing! Both men and women like to get gifts. If date does not go well and you are told there will be no second date and you still send a card or flowers, you are a stalker and the police should be called on you.

I hope this helps.

Tribune Publisher Scott Schmeltzer’s column appears every Thursday.