My father said that the best thing that ever happened to farming was the introduction of electricity. He said it made chores a lot easier when he didn’t have to depend on the sun and kerosene lamps to light his way.

Dad and I once put up a temporary electric fence in order to pasture some calves. Dad’s young cattle dog, Pal, walked into the fence and was zapped. The fence was taken down after only a few months of existence.

Pal lived a dozen years after that, but even as an aged dog, he refused to walk through the area where the fence had been. That electrifying experience was forever etched in Pal’s mind. He was not the sharpest knife in the drawer when it came to canine intellect, but we were positive that Pal never suffered from senility. He gave a wide berth to that fenceless area that once was home to electricity. That was proof to us that Pal never suffered from any kind of memory loss.

We had two young bulls on the farm. They were the same age, the same size, and the same breed. They were apparent equals in every way. They had become that age where they spent a good share of each day butting heads; engaging in mock combat that would one day escalate into a real battle. One had become the better warrior. He was more aggressive and had grown to be the more dominant of the two.

One day, as they banged their heads together and pushed one another around the cow yard, one backed the other into the electric fence. The more aggressive bull that was doing the pushing was the recipient of the bulk of the electrical charge. The young bull let out a distressed bellow and literally high-tailed it out of the area. For the rest of his life with us, this shocked bull was deathly afraid of the bull he used to push around the yard. He must have thought his rival was electric.

Years later, I was walking through our woods with my faithful canine companion, Towhee. She was following me closely and the family’s watch goat and a small flock of domestic turkeys were following her. The goat found everything fascinating and the turkeys were especially intrigued with Towhee. We walked along the edge of the woods, where there was an electric fence in place to keep the cattle out. There we marched, the dog, the goat, the turkeys, and me, like some demented scene out of “The Wizard Oz.” Towhee, being second in command, became peeved with the followers. When I would stop, Towhee would stop. The brakes on the goats and the turkeys did not work nearly so well. They continually rear-ended Towhee. Finally, Towhee lashed out at the aggravating goat. She barked, growled, and pursued the retreating goat. The goat backed into the fence just as Towhee bumped the ruminant with her chest. Towhee was the one who got the benefit of the electric shock. She ran from our location back to my pickup truck. She remained terrified of the electric goat. I talked to Towhee every day, but I didn’t talk about this experience. It was a painful period of her life.

She would have told Ben Franklin to go fly a goat.

Ask Al

The customers of this column are the greatest folks in the world and they ask the greatest questions.

“What happens if I don’t pay my taxes?” You end up with a job on the Presidential Cabinet.

What is an ornithologist?” It’s who you see when you are having problems with your ornith.

“What is the biggest problem with carpenter ants?” They never show up when they say they will.

“What kind of a house were you born in?” I was born in a log cabin that I had to build with my own bare hands.

“Did you walk to school?” I used to walk four miles to school each way. It wouldn’t have been so bad, but I walked home for lunch each day.

Headlines from Hartland Harold

Here is the news according to Hartland Harold.

Man was eating meatloaf and part of the restaurant ceiling fell on him. It’s the only place in town where you can get plastered while eating meatloaf.

Teapots stolen. Police suspect kettle rustlers.

Fiber Club meets regularly.

Supermarket manager asks for information leading to the arrest of the individual who used “Hair in a can” on the watermelons.

Livery stable closes. Owner said, “There just aren’t enough people who like eating liver.”

Local company eliminates payroll in a cost-saving move.

Scooter’s Bait Shop and Sushi Bar advertises, “Today’s bait is tomorrow’s plate!”

Hartland resident Al Batt’s columns appear every Sunday and Wednesday.