QUESTION: At what age do you get to know if the lessons in life you’ve been trying to impart to your children are actually taking root?

ANSWER: Parent educators always talk about giving kids lots of positive reinforcement; however, positive reinforcement from kids for committed parenting may seem rare. When your pre-schooler mimics your words or actions consider yourself admired. hen your grade-schooler insists you must be at the school performance, the athletic game or the club outing consider yourself honored. When some other parent tells you your teenager is pleasant to have around, consider yourself congratulated.  It’s highly likely that you’ll end up being quoted by a son or daughter before they turn 20.

David J. Breachoft, professor of psychology and family studies at Concordia College, St. Paul, asks his family systems class to reflect on their own family experiences. The following is one class’s collective identifications of the important “lessons for life” they learned from their mothers:

 You can do anything you set your mind to!

 Forgive, forgive, forgive.

 To love is to help people through some very tough times.

 I can’t live my life just for everyone else; I also need to take care of myself.

 Be strong and fight for what you believe in.

 Listen to all sides of an issue before making a decision.

 Never give up, work hard and you will succeed.

 No matter what life throws you, you can handle it and make it through.

 Be patient.

 Family is important.

 Be yourself.

 Life is what you make it.

 No matter how bumpy the road may be, God can be your great shock absorber.

 Finish what you started.

 Let your children know you love them.

These same young adults said they now realized they should thank their mother for:

Her support and active involvement in my life.

Loving me unconditionally when I so obviously didn’t like her during my teenage years.

Putting up with all the crap I put her through.

Being there for me.

Always listening.

Giving me a good sense of myself — who I am.

Know that parents do make a difference and our messages, spoken and unspoken, are getting through!

If you would like to talk with a parenting specialist about the challenges in raising children, call the toll-free Parent WarmLine at 1-888-584-2204/Lnea de Apoyo at 877-434-9528.  For free emergency child care call Crisis Nursery at 1-877-434-9599.  Check out www.familiesandcommunities.org.

Maryanne Law is the executive director of the Parenting Resource Center in Austin.