Handing out holiday gifts to celebrities
Published 8:29 am Thursday, December 17, 2009
It’s time for the annual tradition of awarding Christmas gifts to those individuals or groups that lend themselves to the gift list. Some gifts are sincere and some are not. There are gifts I mean with all my heart and there are some given with tongue-in-cheek. With others it’s kind of in between. I’ll let you be the judge. I get off to a sarcastic start with my gift to Tiger Woods.
Names — gift
Tiger Woods, world’s best golfer — Free Wasserman test
Broadcast News Media — A newscast without Tiger Woods
Barrack Obama, President — Success
John McCain, Republican Presidential Nominee — A do-over
Tim Pawlenty, Minn. Governor — A Sarah Palin nomination withdrawal
Sarah Palin, Former Alaska Governor — Tina Fey laryngitis
Tina Fey, Comedian — A Sarah Palin campaign
George W. Bush, Ex-President — A quiet Dick Cheney
Hillary Clinton, Secretary of State — A quiet husband
Al (Landslide) Franken, U.S. Senator — A good five years
Tim Brewster, Gopher football Coach — A bowl victory
Ron Gardenhire, Twins Manager — A playoff victory, Twins 10, Yankees 1
Joe Mauer, Twins Catcher — A fat contract for 10 years
Twins baseball team — A good third-baseman
Twins fans — The same
Justin Morneau, Twins slugger — A healthy last half of the season
Bill Smith, Twins General Manager — An extra must-spend $10 million.
Michael Cuddyer, Twins Outfielder — A repeat 2009 season
Denard Span, Twins Outfielder — A star on his locker
Delmon Young, Twins Outfielder — A left-field instructional manual
J.J. Hardy, Twins Shortstop — A happy hello
Mike Redmond, Twins backup catcher — A sad farewell
To all our troops — A safe return home
To my loved ones in Alaska and elsewhere — Merry Christmas and Happy New Year
To all and especially my readers — Happy Holidays, Peace on Earth and Good Will to All.