Handing out holiday gifts to celebrities

Published 8:29 am Thursday, December 17, 2009

It’s time for the annual tradition of awarding Christmas gifts to those individuals or groups that lend themselves to the gift list. Some gifts are sincere and some are not. There are gifts I mean with all my heart and there are some given with tongue-in-cheek. With others it’s kind of in between. I’ll let you be the judge. I get off to a sarcastic start with my gift to Tiger Woods.

Names — gift

Tiger Woods, world’s best golfer — Free Wasserman test

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Broadcast News Media — A newscast without Tiger Woods

Barrack Obama, President — Success

John McCain, Republican Presidential Nominee — A do-over

Tim Pawlenty, Minn. Governor — A Sarah Palin nomination withdrawal

Sarah Palin, Former Alaska Governor — Tina Fey laryngitis

Tina Fey, Comedian — A Sarah Palin campaign

George W. Bush, Ex-President — A quiet Dick Cheney

Hillary Clinton, Secretary of State — A quiet husband

Al (Landslide) Franken, U.S. Senator — A good five years

Tim Brewster, Gopher football Coach — A bowl victory

Ron Gardenhire, Twins Manager — A playoff victory, Twins 10, Yankees 1

Joe Mauer, Twins Catcher — A fat contract for 10 years

Twins baseball team — A good third-baseman

Twins fans — The same

Justin Morneau, Twins slugger — A healthy last half of the season

Bill Smith, Twins General Manager — An extra must-spend $10 million.

Michael Cuddyer, Twins Outfielder — A repeat 2009 season

Denard Span, Twins Outfielder — A star on his locker

Delmon Young, Twins Outfielder — A left-field instructional manual

J.J. Hardy, Twins Shortstop — A happy hello

Mike Redmond, Twins backup catcher — A sad farewell

To all our troops — A safe return home

To my loved ones in Alaska and elsewhere — Merry Christmas and Happy New Year

To all and especially my readers — Happy Holidays, Peace on Earth and Good Will to All.