Maryanne Law, Parenting Resource Center

QUESTION:  What’s the most effective way of teaching children good character?

ANSWER: While talking about whether compassion, fairness, honesty, good judgment, respect for others, self-respect, or responsibility is valuable, children learn these character traits best by living with adults who are role-modeling them.

“Helping Your Child Become A Responsible Citizen” (U.S. Department of Education) includes the following examples of parent – child conversations that occur in homes where good character is being learned:

“Daddy, why is Grandma crying?”  “She’s very sad. One of her friends just died. Come sit with me. Do you remember how you felt when your gerbil, Whiskers, died?”  “I felt sad and lonely.”  “Well imagine how much worse Grandma must feel losing a friend. Maybe you can think of a way to help her.” “I could give her a hug.”  “That’s a wonderful idea.”

“Dad, why can’t I choose what video to watch!  It is not fair that Josh gets to pick!” “Yes, it is fair, because you got to pick the video we watched last night. Now it is Josh’s turn.”

“Mom, why did you tell the cashier that she’d given you too much change? It was her mistake, so why didn’t you just keep it?” “Because the money wasn’t mine, and it would have been dishonest for me to keep it.”

“I got really mad because John wouldn’t talk to me.” “What were you doing at the time?” “We were in line for lunch.”  “Well, what’s the rule about waiting in line?”  “You aren’t supposed to talk.” “Then John was doing the right thing, wasn’t he?”

“Kaylee, is that my new sweater you’re wearing?” “Yeah, Mom.  What’s wrong? Doesn’t it look OK with this skirt?” “How it looks on you isn’t the point.  You didn’t ask me if you could borrow that sweater did you?” “No, Mom. I guess I thought you wouldn’t mind.” “Well, I do mind that you didn’t ask first.  That’s not very respectful, is it?”

“Why so down, Charlie?” “We lost the game.” “Did you play a good game?” “Yeah, we played our hardest.” “There’s no shame in losing a game when you’ve played your best and the other team just played better. Hold your head high, son.”

“I’m going to Mattie’s house, Dad.” “Have you walked the dog?” “No, I’ll do that when I get back.” “Casey, walking the dog is your responsibility. In this house, meeting our responsibilities comes first. Walk the dog, and then you can go to Mattie’s.”

If you would like to talk about raising children, call the toll-free Parent WarmLine at 1-888-584-2204/Línea de Apoyo at 877-434-0528. For free emergency child care call Crisis Nursery at 1-877-434-9599.  Check out www.familiesandcommunities.org