How to help children be good game players
Published 9:08 am Saturday, January 1, 2011
Column: Maryanne Law, Families First
Question: How can we help our child become a good game player?
Answer: Game playing is a learned skill. Time spent with your child playing a game with simple rules is time well spent. Go slowly, master one game and then move to another game that’s just a bit more complicated. Be sure you spend time explaining the rules of the game before you play or asking your child to explain the rules to you before you start playing. When your child starts to change the rules, pause in playing and say, with a smile, “Explain the rules to me again, please?” Discourage rule changing behavior by saying, in a quiet, neutral tone of voice, “It’s no fun to play unless you stick by the rules. We’ll have to stop. I’ll be glad to play with you some more when you can follow the rules.” If your child wants to continue, say thank you and slightly exaggerate your enjoyment in playing the game. If your child refuses to play by the rules, stop playing and calmly say, “We can try again tomorrow.”
While some parents decide to quietly arrange for their child to win at games to avoid discouragement, others are clear that it’s playing the game, and growing in skill, that’s important. My husband always loved playing chess with his grandfather, who was very good. His grandfather was clear that he would never let him win; he would have to learn to win. In fact, he never did beat his grandfather in chess. However, his grandfather was very encouraging and as a boy my husband loved the time he spent trying to win, and he became a pretty good chess player.
It’s valuable to verbalize to our children that most people want to win the games they play, but everyone cannot win competitive games. If someone is going to win, someone else must lose. There are things we can do to make sure we win at least some of the time. We can play with people our own age or younger. We can play “equal-chance” games, games won with luck rather than skill or practice, especially with people who are older than we are. Finally, the best skill in game playing is learning to say, “I like playing games with you whether I win or whether I lose, because it’s fun to be with you.” Kids learn to say that if those words are a regular part of our own game playing with them.
If you would like to talk with a parenting specialist about the challenges in raising children, call the toll-free Parent WarmLine at 1-888-584-2204/Linea de Apoyo at 1-877-434-9528. For free emergency child care, call the Crisis Nursery at 1-877-434-9599. Check out www.familiesandcommunities.org.
Maryanne Law is the executive director of the Parenting Resource Center in Austin.