Workshop held in Albert Lea for parents and their children
Published 11:06 am Saturday, March 3, 2012
By Sara Aeikens, Freeborn County Wellness Workshop
“Kids are good because they ‘get’ human nature. They are wired to be strong and to own the future. They understand human nature,” said Kirk Martin, advocate and founder of Celebrate Calm parenting methods for raising children in a calm and confident manner.
In a presentation for both teachers and parents, Kirk drove with his teenage son from Nashville to Albert Lea in February to share interactively how to have children’s behaviors change positively without over controlling them.
“We believe the lie that ‘you need to get better control of that child.’ It’s impossible to control another human being. The only person you can control is yourself. Discipline is for kids, not to kids,” said Martin.
“I want dads who can control their own behaviors and I want moms who do not feel guilty all the time. It is my job to control my own behavior and teach kids to control their behavior. I held my son at a higher standard than myself. I needed him to change because I couldn’t control myself. I want to help change a generation,” Martin stated as his vision for today’s parents.
Martin covered three main categories to explain children’s general behavior patterns, which includes children’s brain activity, manifestations, or behaviors, and needs.
The first category he explained is like “out-of-sync traffic signals” with the child’s brain neurotransmitters inhibited. This means the child tends to be disorganized, forgetful, easily overwhelmed, anxious with new experiences and slow to process with many meltdowns over little things. What these children need are order, consistency and structure, such as routines and traditions in the home.
The second category has “no lane markers.” This child’s brain doesn’t process sensory input correctly. The manifestations are over or under sensitive to touch, sound, sight and smell, resulting in aggression and frustration. These children respond to teacher directed deep pressures on joints and muscles.
The “traffic cop is asleep” as explained with the third category. A child with an under-stimulated brain activity has reduced blood flow. Manifestations are repetitive movements and sounds, difficulties focusing, procrastinating, impulsiveness, easily bored and strong-willed. Purposeful and stimulating missions give positive guidance to these children.
“We need to remember that defiance stems from something else, usually anxiety. Physical activity will help these children,” he said.
Martin gave many suggestions for enhancing a calm atmosphere, such as standing next to the child rather than looking at them during tough conversations; sitting down to discipline; keeping promises; asking your children for help; give children responsibility to take care of themselves; complimenting in the child’s language and changing your own body posture.
Kirk Martin’s Celebrate Calm reminds us that we need to practice new behavior and we need to assume the best about other people’s intentions. Practicing calm means that a parent is fully engaged and has clarity about the situation. This type of parenting builds relationships.
— Kayla Habana and Mary Jo Volkman with Early Childhood Family Education contributed to this piece.