The Nice Advice, by Leah Albert

Dear Leah,

Every year during the holidays my husband and I get invited to events with friends and co-workers. I’ve always had a challenge with him being a social drinker and drinking way too much. He doesn’t get mean; it’s just awkward and when we get home I have to take care of him. I feel like we’re too old for this kind of behavior. How do I rein him in without him getting mad at me?

— Cocktailed Out

 

Dear Cocktailed Out,

If you don’t address it early on, this situation will continue to grate at your nerves year after year, especially since you know exactly what to expect when the holidays come around again.

This is a time to be merry and certainly you should be spending more time with friends and family. But having a social drinker can definitely put a damper on things.

The question to ask is: Does your husband know he has a problem? Does he wake up and remember what happened the night before? Does he feel sick or resent any of his behavior? If he doesn’t, it will be more challenging to help him understand how he needs to drink less.

You should take note during the next event to determine if his friends are egging him on or if there are certain aspects of the event that cause him to drink more, such as playing competitive card games or doing karaoke.

If you identify any of these triggers, you can encourage him to spend time with other friends who are more respectful and don’t encourage excessive drinking or find activities that focus on building social connections without the necessity of a beverage in hand.

Perhaps this year you could choose to host an event that is focused on an activity and doesn’t allow for the time to mull around and gorge on food and alcohol. Sledding parties are fun at any age, and being outdoors doing something active will distract from the need to drink to be social. You could serve hot cocoa and hot cider and have a fire afterward — these holiday treats are always welcome and don’t need to include alcohol to satisfy.

If you are attending an event where you pay for your own alcohol, a good rule is to only bring enough cash for two drinks.

If there is an open bar or you’re at a friend’s house where the alcohol is readily available, you should talk to him ahead of time about how much fun he is when he’s not stumbling around and encourage him to try drinking just two drinks. You should also model this behavior and focus on savoring the drinks with him.

The holidays can be a hard time for people. For introverts, it’s challenging to be around so many different groups of people and drinking may be a way for them to be social when they don’t feel like it. People also struggle with emotional challenges this time of year and drinking is a way of self-medicating.

If any of the suggestions above are not helpful, you may want to ask a professional to determine if there are symptoms of a more serious issue.

We need to be able to self-regulate, no matter what time of year it is. And there are tools available to help people relax during the stress of the holidays without the help of alcohol.

No one wants to wake up by the toilet after a night of partying.

Leah Albert is a fictitious character. She likes wine and writing. Don’t ask her to be a matchmaker. Do send your questions to Leah at theniceadviceleahalbert@gmail.com.