Across the Pastor’s Desk by Todd Walsh

I have often wondered how I would react if I were to be diagnosed with cancer. As a pastor I have ministered to many people living and dying with cancer. I would say my effectiveness was hit and miss. I hope those I have ministered to would be a bit more merciful in their assessment.

However, in 2005, I began a hands-on education in potentially terminal illness with my own diagnosis of cancer. I received a cancer diagnosis and underwent surgery. A year later the cancer recurred and radiation followed. My doctor declared me cancer free in 2011. Well, another lesson began with heart trouble and stents in 2012. And by the end of the same year I managed another week in the hospital from a lung infection caused by a fever.

I found out how I would react to a cancer diagnosis and serious health issues. And I am still learning.

I would like to share some of what I learned.

First, I will share what I learned from people. There are many really great people out there who offer their love, prayer and support. They reach out. They offer help. They are available. They are there when it is time to talk about what is happening. And they are there when it is time to enjoy the routines of life in spite of what may lie ahead. And they even know how to read the silent signal that says, “Just give me some space for now.”

And there are others who are the reverse of the previous paragraph. Yes, someone told me, “You would not have cancer if you had more faith.” My reply to that was uncharacteristically kind. Cancer is an illness. It is not the judgment of God. Yes, some cancers and illnesses are caused by our actions. My grandfather died of a cancer brought on by his years of smoking. He knew that. He suffered for it. What is the point in my rubbing it in? He needed an arm around him and not a finger pointing at him. Enough said.

I learned that some people are very willing to help in so many ways. I also learned that some people simply do not know how to respond when someone facing life-threatening illness is right in front of them. They may learn and grow. They may not. It doesn’t do any good to blame them.

I learned to “go to the waters” and just pass by the “dry wells.”

What did I learn from God?

Someone came to me and boiled it down to a very simple phrase: “No matter what happens, you already won.” Those were and are good words to hear. My life is in God’s hands today and will be on my last day.

Romans 14:8 became and still is my theme verse of sorts. “If we live, we live to the Lord. If we die, we die to the Lord. So whether we live or whether we die, we are the Lord’s.” That s a pretty blunt verse. But I like it because it gets to the point and cuts through everything. Its also short enough for me to remember compared to some of the other complicated theological formulas found in scripture!

Worry is a killer. It takes a whole lot of energy. There are some good Bible verses about worry. Philippians 4:6 is helpful to me. “Do not worry about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your request be made known to God.” That’s pretty complicated language, but I boil it down to, “Give it to God and get on with life.”

One of the challenges for me was the time leading up to and doing the testing to see if the cancer returned. It was always a day-long process of appointments. And most of the time was spent waiting. I would watch the actions of the people doing the tests. I would look for any sign in their face or words to indicate how the test turned out. I would even watch for signals from the receptionists as to the true nature of my condition. It was a really foolish exercise but the product of worry. So I made sure I had a book to read and headed to the nearest home improvement store to window shop.

I hope this little primer gives you something. I hope you find the God who meets us at all hours of life. I hope that God leads you to the people who bring you life in the darkest hours.

 

The Rev. Todd Walsh is the chaplain at Thorne Crest Retirement Community.