Dear Leah,

I’ve had a boyfriend for a while but now my mom doesn’t want me to see him so much. I miss him a lot. I don’t want to make my mom mad, but I feel like she’s being unfair.

— Missing Him

 

Dear Missing Him,

Mothers are wise creatures. Though I don’t know the whole story, I’m guessing she has some good reasons for encouraging distance between the two of you.

When we’re young, we tend to extend our hearts easily, especially in our first relationships. You have so much to learn about yourself and how to be in a healthy relationship with someone else. It may be difficult, but taking things slow is a good idea.

What we see on television or read in books these days does not often depict a healthy, loving relationship. Parents and other trusted adults are there to help you understand boundaries, how you can express affection in healthy ways and how you can maintain your sense of self.

Too often, when we’re young, a relationship becomes more important than personal development. It’s vital to explore your passions — whether it’s with subjects in school, sports, the arts or other hobbies you may have. You may be missing him, but it would be a shame to miss out on other opportunities you have now that may not be available at other points in your life.

Your mom may be worried that you are neglecting other relationships, such as your family or friends. The people who love and care for you may not seem to be as exciting or interesting as your boyfriend is right now, but most of them will be by your side longer than he will. Don’t lose sight of how important it is to spend quality time with them.

The decisions we make, even when we’re young, can impact the rest of our lives in very significant ways. It may be hard for you to see past today or tomorrow right now, but you have a future and it hasn’t been determined for you yet. That is a freedom to embrace!

Take this time to seek out what your core values and beliefs are, think about how you still need to grow and recognize the wisdom of those around you. Your boyfriend is one person; there are many others who will add value and interest to your life.

When you begin to determine who you are and what you really want out of life, your boyfriend will either remain in the picture or he will fade out of it. At this point what will matter most is not how much time you get to spend with him, but whether the relationship adds value and beauty to your life.

 

Leah Albert is a fictitious character. She likes wine and writing. Don’t ask her to be a matchmaker. Do send your questions to Leah at theniceadviceleahalbert@gmail.com.