Dear Leah,

I have a great job. Well, kind of great. At least, it used to be great. There was a time when my co-workers and I were friends. We supported and helped each other inside of work and out. Lately they seem to be going out of their way to exclude me from things and even flatout ignore me when I clock in and say good morning. It wasn’t always this way.

My boss seems supportive, but at the same time she micro-manages my work. Every document I draft needs to be proofed by her. Things as small as what graphic I attach to a sign are scrutinized. There is favoritism in the workplace, and it is so glaringly obvious, it’s ridiculous.

My mistakes aren’t just mistakes — they’re treated more like character flaws. I’m left feeling like I can’t do anything right and it’s gotten to the point that I am seriously starting to doubt my abilities. Things about me and my skill set that I felt so confident about are slowly being drained and replaced with shame.

I need my income and can’t just quit. I have looked for other employment, but because of my situation here I just wonder if I’m good enough to be a serious candidate. I need help getting back to where I used to be — confident and happy. Any advice?

Signed, Shunned

 

Dear Shunned,

People can be cruel, and it has nothing to do with you. Typically when people are mean, it is because they are unhappy in their own lives. The behaviors you’re describing seem to run a little deeper than that.

When a positive, genuinely happy person walks into a place full of deep seeded resentments and misery — well, it’s like oil and water. You’ll never mix. People in that state of mind often feel jealousy and are intimidated by the connections and relationships a not-so-grumpy person is able to cultivate.

I feel like I should ask you if you’ve reflected on your own behaviors to see if there might be something you did to aggravate your co-worker? That would be the responsible advice columnist thing to do. But I get the feeling the only thing you have done to offend these people is exist.

So what should you do? Dig down deep inside and hold on to that lovely light that is you. Believe in yourself. Don’t try to figure out why people are treating you like crap. It’ll make you doubt yourself at every turn.

Keep looking for a new job. The right place for you will open up at the right time. You will put this experience to good use as fuel to propel you into meaningful work that will take you beyond confident and happy to accomplished and satisfied.

 

Leah Albert is a fictitious character. She likes wine and writing. Don’t ask her to be a matchmaker. Do send your questions to Leah at theniceadviceleahalbert@gmail.com.