Dear Leah,

I’m 14 years old and all my life I’ve felt like a loser. My clothes aren’t quite right. My laugh is weird. I don’t like my teeth. I get bullied at school because my family is poor and my clothes aren’t cool. I don’t want to invite friends to my house because I don’t want them to see how little we have. I’m smart, but I’m afraid to speak up in class because even the teacher makes fun of me. I really feel alone in the world.

Lately, I’ve been hanging with a group of friends. We skip class a lot and sometimes they smoke weed. They hook up and seem super cool. They tease me because I’m scared to try any of it. I feel like if I don’t make out, hook up, drink or smoke, they won’t be my friends anymore. I don’t really have anyone to talk to. Maybe you can help?

Signed, Lonely Loser

 

Dear Lonely,

Funny story: when I was 14 years old, I skipped class, ran with the fast kids, and my family was poor. I don’t know about you, but when I was a kid, I didn’t want to invite people over because my dad was an alcoholic. Not only was it embarrassing, but it was really damaging to my psyche. Let’s just say I can relate.

Growing up is about making mistakes. Learning about what works and doesn’t work for you. I strongly encourage you to continue to reach out to adults in your life. It’s okay to make mistakes, but you need to be safe and protected. Your physical, mental and emotional health is so very important. You will be surprised at how cool some grown-ups can be.

When you’re feeling unsure, ask yourself some questions: What are your hopes and dreams? What do you want to be when you grow up? Think about how you want to feel. Do you want to feel valued? Like you make a difference and matter? Like you’ve accomplished something? Do you want to go to college? If whatever it is you’re considering doing doesn’t fit with your goals, walk away.

When I was 14, I too was pressured to have sex and use drugs. Listen: You do not ever have to do anything that does not feel 100% right in your mind, body and soul. Doing things that don’t honor the real, authentic you will eventually destroy you. You will give away pieces of yourself until there’s nothing left. And you will be forever changed because of it.

If I could speak to 14 year old me today I would tell her your clothes don’t matter. There are ways to express yourself that don’t involve eighty dollar jeans or hundred dollar eyeliner. I’d encourage little me to put my energy into my art. Making unique pieces that are one of a kind. Just like me. And just like you, too.

Believe in yourself and your dreams. Fitting in is great and all, but you are the most important thing in your world. You need to make sure you are okay first. Do what you need to do to take good care of yourself.

 

Leah Albert is a fictitious character. She likes wine and writing. Don’t ask her to be a matchmaker. Do send your questions to Leah at theniceadviceleahalbert@gmail.com.