EN(dur)ANCE by Robin Gudal

 

This is the fourth in a five-part series of columns entitled “Epitaph.”

 

The phrase that best describes my mother is from the song writer and singer Helen Reddy, “I am woman, here me roar.”

My journey then became to ask her questions, have meaningful conversations that would answer questions like, why did you name me Robin? Was there a specific reason, maybe a famous author, movie star, a close friend; it’s not a common name, especially from the 1960s, so what was the reason — I never knew.

When I did find out, in her words, “Oh, I don’t know,” I was at first disappointed and then thought well, she must have liked it for some reason, at the time. After all, that was why I was asking questions, to get the real and honest answers not some puffed, romantic, novel of an answer, but the raw truth.

I made the decision to mail her questions to answer; she thought it silly but complied with my request. I now have some very honest, some not well thought out, even silly handwritten scribbles of her handwriting to cherish.

In the same time frame, I decided to also do an exercise of sorts. I was going to write something about myself for the next 365 days! Sounds simple enough, well,until you get to about day 100. That’s when you discover you might not be quite as interesting as you dream in your own sweet little head. This is the timeframe when you also probably start to get the dirt out from under your fingernails, where you begin to think more and ask yourself questions like why? It is also a space in one’s life to answer more of the mundane things that are a large part of who we are, how we act, react and why we are who we are.

Why is it, exactly, that I love red lipstick or any lipstick at all, but my sister rarely wears it? I honestly don’t think I ever saw my mother with any on, so why do I love it?

Then there are the important things in life like what are my hopes, dreams and aspirations for my children and their children. Why is faith important to me? Why am I who I am?

Robin (Beckman) Gudal, intentional in life, is a wife, momma, nana, friend and a flawed and imperfect follower of Jesus.