April Jeppson: Ask questions to better understand friends

Published 9:37 pm Thursday, January 23, 2020

Every Little Thing by April Jeppson

April Jeppson

 

I have the most supportive friends ever. We are always reassuring each other, telling each other to calm down, have patience, giving tons of helpful advice �� reminding each other how awesome we are. But sometimes it’s misguided and not the best course of action. All too often someone blasts out a problem they’re having, and we all jump in with well-meaning advice and support.

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An example I see often: One of my mom friends expresses concern over something her child is or is not doing. Lots of people jump in with how they dealt with it. Many suggestions are made on how to make the child do what the mom wants. Then, finally, someone asks a question, and we discover that the problem is different than what everyone thought. Here we have all these awesome suggestions and helps for a situation that actually does not even exist.

I got a thing and it’s not working how I think it should, and I’m frustrated and then a friend says that you need to do X. What we really need to do is ask questions before offering the answer. More often than not, the problem is not really what is described.

Recently, I was at work and overhead a co-worker talk about how they didn’t want to do a certain aspect of their job anymore. People kind of got upset and other people were jumping to conclusions. Everyone had their idea of how this individual should do their job. Finally someone jumped in and asked what they didn’t like about the job. Their response? Working with a particular co-worker — a co-worker who they didn’t actually have to work with. An easy fix. After acknowledging this, it took about two minutes to ensure they didn’t have to perform this one task together and the problem was solved.

Or how about when a friend complains about how they hate a certain food? I’ll use Brussels sprouts as an example (sorry sprouts). So many people jump in with how they agree that Brussels sprouts are nasty, then they suggest completely different foods. Others suggest various seasoning combinations and even a different way to cut the veggie. Finally someone asks how the friend is preparing them. Well turns out they are boiling them. Um, gross. So now we can suggest to oil up those bad boys and broil them. Oh and add some garlic salt and pepper — mmm how about add some bacon? Now that would jazz them up a bit.

I get it. We all want to be helpful. We want to be the supportive friend who offers up the gem of wisdom that enlightens our friend to make that epic decision. However, taking that extra moment to pause and make sure we have all the information can really make all the difference between being a know-it-all and an insightful friend who truly cares.

Always ask questions to better understand the true nature of a problem before offering a solution.

“If I had an hour to solve a problem and my life depended on the solution, I would spend the first 55 minutes determining the proper question to ask … for once I know the proper question, I could solve the problem in less than five minutes.” — Albert Einstein

Albert Lean April Jeppson is a wife, mom, coach and encourager of dreams.