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Every Little Thing by April Jeppson

Before I get too deep into whatever it is that I’m talking about today I wanted to let you know that the vision board and art supplies are currently rolling around in the back of my dream minivan. I’m such an optimistic go-getter that sometimes people think that I am also an optimistic finisher. But alas, that is not a skill I’ve fine tuned yet, and I’m OK with that.

Thankfully I’m old enough to realize that I do not need to be the best at everything to feel worthy or good about myself. If I need help with something, I just ask. I’m good at certain things and my friends/colleagues are good at others, and it usually works out just fine. Not only has it taken me years to become OK with my perceived shortcomings, but also realizing what my gifts and my shortcomings actually are.

I remember attending a meeting a few years ago, and I was confused about something in the financials. I wanted to ask questions, but everyone else seemed to understand, so I stayed quiet. I chose to dig further into the handouts and see if I could answer my own question. After looking closer, I actually became more confused on what was printed versus what was being conveyed. I didn’t want to look stupid or not qualified to be there, so I continued to bite my tongue.

Then something unexpected happened. Another person asked the question that was on my mind. Then a conversation ensued where multiple people chimed in with similar thoughts. I was happy to know that I wasn’t alone and that I was qualified to be at that meeting.

On the ride home I became sort of sad when I realized that I didn’t trust my gut. I knew that things didn’t make sense, but I second guessed myself. I allowed myself to be intimidated by this group of people who weren’t even trying to intimidate me. That was a pivotal moment for me. It’s when I realized that I was my toughest critic because I didn’t see myself as others did.

It’s been a labor of love, but I know I’m getting better at trusting myself. When a seemingly stupid idea pops into my head, I try to lean into it. I no longer shush it away, but I welcome it as a valid thought. I’ve recently discovered that some of my little thoughts are actually quite good. If I wouldn’t have been brave enough to speak up or act on them, I wouldn’t be where I am today. That’s actually a really powerful thought. My intuition has helped me out numerous times, and I owe it to myself to trust it.

Albert Lean April Jeppson is a wife, mom, coach and encourager of dreams. Her column appears in the Tribune every Saturday.