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Every Little Thing by April Jeppson

Ah, Valentine’s Day — a holiday filled with chocolates, flowers and the occasional last-minute gas station gift purchase. This week at our youth church activity, I had the joy of teaching a group of 8- to 11-year-olds about love languages. If you’ve never tried explaining something like this to kids, I highly recommend it. Their responses had me grinning from ear to ear.

We did a little questionnaire where they had to choose between two options — like, would they rather get a hug or be told they are awesome? Some had strong opinions, while others debated every answer as if their entire future depended on it. But what stood out the most? Every single child had “spend time together” in their top two. Every. Single. One.

For those unfamiliar, the five love languages, as developed by Dr. Gary Chapman, are:

• Words of affirmation: “You’re amazing!” “I love you!” Basically, verbal gold stars.

• Acts of service: Doing something nice for someone, like making them breakfast or fixing their broken toy without them even asking.

• Receiving gifts: Not about materialism, but the thought behind the gift (yes, the macaroni necklace counts).

• Physical touch: Hugs, high-fives and reassuring pats on the back.

• Quality time: Undivided attention, no distractions, just being present.

And this last one? It’s a big deal.

Kids aren’t subtle about what they need. They don’t send you a formal memo saying, “Dear Parent/Guardian, I am feeling disconnected. Please schedule one-on-one bonding time ASAP.” No, they ask you to play with them. They follow you around the house. They tell you oddly specific facts about Minecraft while you’re making dinner.

It’s their way of saying, I need you.

Science backs this up. A study from the American Academy of Pediatrics found that positive parent-child interactions, particularly through shared activities, significantly impact a child’s emotional and cognitive development. Kids who regularly spend quality time with their caregivers tend to have higher self-esteem, better academic performance and stronger social skills. Essentially, time together builds them up from the inside out.

But here’s the tricky part — quality time doesn’t just mean being in the same room. It means engagement. Eye contact. Listening. Not scrolling through your phone while halfheartedly saying “Uh-huh” every few minutes. (We’ve all been guilty of it, no shame.)

The good news? It doesn’t have to be grand. A five-minute bedtime chat. A quick game of cards. Singing loudly in the car together. These little moments add up in ways we can’t always see, but kids feel them.

By the end of the day, I’m usually exhausted. If this were a game of basketball, I’d say I left it all on the court. I’ve learned that sometimes I have to be very purposeful about setting up these little moments. If I tell my child that I’m finishing up something and that in 20 minutes, I’ll be ready to hear all about their day, 10 times out of 10, they happily oblige.

So, as we celebrate love, let’s remember that while chocolates are great and heart-shaped pancakes are fun, what our kids truly want is us.

Albert Lean April Jeppson is a wife, mom, coach and encourager of dreams. Her column appears every Saturday.