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Every Little Thing by April Jeppson

We all know someone who seems to live in a permanent thundercloud. Nothing is ever their fault. Every setback is someone else’s doing. If only their boss weren’t so unfair. If only their ex had treated them better. If only the world just gave them a break for once.

To be honest, I’m a little allergic to this energy.

That’s not to say I don’t believe in hard seasons or injustice. Life can be unfair, people do treat each other poorly, and sometimes you really are doing your best and still end up face-first in the mud. But there’s a big difference between acknowledging hard things and living in them. That’s what we call the victim mentality.

Victim mentality is a mindset where a person consistently sees themselves as the victim of the circumstances around them. According to psychologists, it’s not just about experiencing difficulty, it’s about believing you have no power or responsibility in changing things. And the longer you stay in that space, the more helpless you begin to feel.

Studies back this up. Research found that people with a strong victim mentality tend to externalize blame, experience more negative emotions and have lower self-esteem. It becomes a loop, one that’s easy to fall into and hard to break.

But here’s the good news: We can break it.

The first step? Radical ownership. Ownership means pausing long enough to ask, “What part of this situation do I control?” That doesn’t mean blaming yourself for things out of your hands. It means noticing where your choices, reactions or boundaries may have played a role, and owning that with compassion.

There’s a sense of freedom that comes with saying, “This is mine.” Suddenly, you’re not waiting for someone else to fix it. You’re not stuck in the passenger seat of your own life. You’re behind the wheel.

That shift is powerful. Studies have found that people who believe they have control over their lives are significantly more satisfied, resilient and optimistic, even in the face of challenges.

Mel Robbins, bestselling author and motivational powerhouse, puts it like this: “You are one decision away from a completely different life.” One decision. One shift in mindset. One step toward taking your power back. You don’t need to overhaul everything overnight, you just need to decide that you’re no longer going to be at the mercy of everyone and everything else.

The key isn’t perfection. It’s perspective.

When we take ownership, we allow ourselves to grow. We learn from what didn’t work. We build confidence by taking even the smallest steps forward. We stop pointing fingers and start using our hands to build something better.

So how do we stay out of the victim trap? Practice self-awareness. Notice your internal dialogue. Are you blaming, excusing or deflecting? Ask better questions. Instead of

“Why is this happening to me?” try “What can I learn from this?” or “What’s my next best step?” Surround yourself with accountable people. Growth-minded friends help us rise. Misery loves company, but so does courage.

And finally, celebrate progress, not perfection. Growth is messy and uncomfortable but it’s worth it. We can choose curiosity over complaint, responsibility over resentment.

Life will hand us some tough cards. We can’t control everything, but we can control our mindset.

Albert Lean April Jeppson is a wife, mom, coach and encourager of dreams. Her column appears every Saturday.