Column: Angie Barker, Entertain Me

In the words of Old Blue Eyes, “it was a very good year.”

At year’s end the TV and magazines are flooded with best/worst lists that summarize the last 12 months. I am continually surprised at all the information and events I have already forgotten about. Events that happened mere months ago and seemed colossal in their importance and yet I have zero recollection of their passing. Remember when we watched soccer this summer?! Me neither. How about Mel Gibson’s crazy voicemail rants?! Not ‘til you mentioned it. To be honest, I’m glad I forgot about that last one. He made “Signs” unwatchable and “I’m insane with anger” about it. That might be what Joaquin Phoenix is upset about too. Someone should check and then wash his hair. Please.

I say I’m ‘surprised’ by this lapse in memory, but what I really mean is that I’m deeply terrified I’m aging and will soon start referring to things incorrectly like my mother. Example: If you ask my mom where she got her new sweater she will tell you Barnes and Nobles. Not only does she say the wrong store, she adds an ‘s’ to Noble. What she means to say is Christopher and Banks. All her sisters have the same problem. Extended family example: My aunt told me her new camping equipment was from Caleb’s. Five minutes of head-scratching later, we figured out she meant Cabela’s. My future is inevitable.

Until time and genetics rob me of my cognitive abilities, here is my Best of 2010 list as I remember it:

1. “Toy Story 3” was hands down the best movie of the year and the highest grossing at $415 million. I admit that I cried through my 3-D glasses as Andy gave away his toys (symbolically representing his childhood and leaving home). It took every ounce of willpower not to embarrass my son with a restraining hug until he promised not to grow soooo fast.

2. “Modern Family” on ABC was consistently the funniest TV program EVER! Forget 2010, this show is taking on the world, all of history, and most likely the future. The only thing able to stop hilarious lines like “You danced without me, Mitchell! You cheated on me with choreography, that’s the worst kind” is a T-1000. Come with me if you want to laugh.

3. Ke$ha’s music was the most addictive. I can’t stop downloading her music. ITunes is getting close to ordering an intervention on me. “Is my love your drug?” she asks. Yes, Ke$ha, yes it is. Now please don’t make another album in 2011 because I need to spend some quality time with my family. We’re going to take down all the “lost” posters with my face on them. Good times.

4. Games, on consoles or as apps, are essentially escapist time-wasters. The greatest of all these in 2010 was “Angry Birds.” Those sniggering egg-stealing green pigs had to be taught not to mess with me. Again and again and again and again. What? It’s almost 2011? Where did the year go? Stupid pigs.

5. “Packing for Mars: The Curious Science of Life in the Void” by Mary Roach was my favorite new release read of the year. I agree the book has a terrible name, especially when her other books are called “Stiff” (about cadavers), “Spook” (about ghosts/afterlife), and “Bonk” (about… well, I’m sure you got that one figured out). This book should have been called “Space.” Period. Aw, Mary Roach, I can’t stay mad at you. Angie still loves you, baby.

Albert Lea resident Angie Zoller Barker’s column usually appears every Monday in the Albert Lea Tribune. Email questions, recommendations, or comments to entertainmecolumn@gmail.com.