Latest Tales From Exit 22

Opinion

Al Batt: Noses are red, fingers are blue. I like winter, how about you?

The wind blew another partridge out of a pear tree.

Opinion

Al Batt: Four things you shouldn’t spend any time worrying about

You have enough things to worry about.

Opinion

Al Batt: I’m grateful for Gary Gravy, the inventor of gravy

The city’s water tower held gravy.

Columnists

Al Batt: Make yourself useful and put on a coat of arms

My great-grandfather bellowed, “Buckle up.”

Opinion

Al Batt: Thistlebottom’s Mutual of Omaha’s Wild Kingdom moment

There are legions of famous Minnesotans, and that includes you.

Opinion

Al Batt: Ripening in an Oklahoma fast-food drive-thru

“Oklahoma, where the wind comes sweeping down the plain, and the waving wheat can sure smell sweet, when ...

Opinion

Al Batt: Prehistoric gummy bears chewed gum while hibernating

A kid offered me some Big League Chew bubble gum.

Opinion

Al Batt: Remember three things

I remember a professor (I don’t remember his name) telling my class (I don’t remember what class it ...

Opinion

Al Batt: It rained tiny Halloween pumpkins that bit me

There was something in the air. I was trying to weave my day into a seamless garment when ...

Opinion

Al Batt: Fall is the time to schedule a pumpkin spice colonoscopy

I saw a grizzly bear caterpillar. It’s going to be a brutal winter.

Opinion

Al Batt: My buttonholes were due for a major upgrade

We could all use an upgrade.

Opinion

Al Batt: Hoping for no Buick Bisons or Lincoln Lemmings on 494

I wasn’t shuffling off to Buffalo.

Opinion

Al Batt: Outgrabe, Irish wristwatch, headbutting while texting and pilfering seagulls

I tried to say, “Irish wristwatch” three times quickly.

Opinion

Al Batt: It’s better to have a landline than a land mine these days

I swallowed a mosquito. I’m an adventurous eater.

Opinion

Al Batt: Last winter had been peaked, puny and downsized

The air carried the scent of a dirty athletic sock that had been microwaved.

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