Things I Tell My Wife by Matt Knutson

“It’s just a quick work trip,” I said to Sera when I reminded her of my upcoming trip to Washington, D.C. It’s not the first time we’ve spent a night apart since we were married in August, but this time is apparently different.

“You’re the one leaving this time,” my wife explained. “It’s always harder being the one left behind.”

I had never really thought about departure in that way before. There’s usually someone staying behind when one person leaves, and the roles of leaving and staying have different emotions attached to them. My wife’s childhood was filled with being the one leaving, literally changing countries every few years. Of course she isn’t accustomed to being the one left behind, even if it is just temporarily.

I can understand the feeling of being left behind. Sera recently went to Chicago to see her sister graduate while I stayed behind at work. It was certainly a bittersweet moment for her to have fun with family in a big city without her husband. My brief trip to D.C. will be the same.

Thankfully traveling without your spouse isn’t nearly as lonely as it previously has been thanks to technology. During a brief moment when we first began dating there was a fear that Sera would have to leave the country due to visa issues, and I began to look into how people make long-distance relationships work. Good communication and using technological resources kept rising to the top of the list. My brief trip to the East Coast is far from a long-distance relationship, but the same principles can be applied.

From the few long-distance relationships I’ve observed from friends and family, it might not be a bad idea to implement their lifestyle practices in our marriage.

While I’m away, my trusty iPhone will be hard at work to capture and share my experience with my wife. The first thing my wife said to me when I reminded her about the upcoming trip was that I needed to text her every hour so she’d know I was safe. I’m fairly certain that was an exaggeration, but sharing when the plane has landed and that I’m safe in my hotel are certainly in my plans.

The ability to video chat allows us to communicate much easier. I’m certainly not the kind of person who can stay on the phone for a long time, but video is much more casual. Many long-distance relationships use video chatting to make dinner together or watch the same movie at the same time while they’re hundreds of miles away. The instant satisfaction of seeing someone moving is enough to ease the lonely place in your heart when you’re away.

I’m an avid photographer, so I’ll also be sharing photos of the D.C. monuments with my wife as I take them. She may not be with me, but sharing my memories with her in real time might make her a little less lonesome at home.

The whole point of my trip is to attend a workshop for United Way about how to become a better storyteller. Being a good communicator isn’t purely about putting out messages and hoping one sticks. It’s about telling a story that people are interested in from the beginning.

Sera’s already in love with the main character in the story of her husband going to Washington, but if the story stops halfway through, she’ll be disappointed and worried. Hopefully the story I’ll be sharing with her will be able to keep her entertained from a distance until we reunite in the most dramatic way possible at the airport upon my return.

Brief glimpses into another person’s relationship like this always makes me appreciate the life I have with my wife. We don’t have to do a long-distance relationship. Neither one of us has a job that keeps us on the road, away from each other for days at a time. These are luxuries that most people don’t appreciate until they’re gone.

As we spend some time apart this week, I think we’ll be reminded just how lucky we are to have each other every other day. With our first year of marriage coming to an end later this summer, I can’t think of a better time to be reminded of how important it is to be present in each other’s life.

 

Rochester resident Matt Knutson is the communications and events director for United Way of Olmsted County.