The Batt universe is full of unanswered questions

Published 12:00 am Wednesday, May 16, 2001

There are a lot of things that we all have wondered about.

Wednesday, May 16, 2001

There are a lot of things that we all have wondered about. Things that there are not always answers for. Here are some of mine. I wonder:

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If Henry Ford was so rich, how come he never owned a Cadillac?

If you break a bottle of glue, what do you use to fix it?

Did Houdini ever lock his keys in his car?

How do you know if you have run out of invisible ink?

Things are often said to be out of whack. What is a whack?

How come brain cells die and fat cells don’t?

Why is the person who we trust to invest our life savings called a broker?

If a synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown, too?

Did Adam ever say to Eve, &uot;There are plenty more ribs where you came from&uot;?

Why do we name hurricanes, but not tornadoes?

If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?

When cheese has its picture taken, what does it say?

What do they call a Danish in Denmark?

How can you draw a blank?

If dolphins are so smart, how come they hang around with tuna?

How come life is nothing like the TV commercials?

If you had everything you wanted, where would you put it?

Can a group of Republicans ever have a simple democratic majority?

How many cars are allowed through an intersection after the light turns yellow?

Is anyone surprised there is cheating in college athletics?

Does this taxi driver really know where he is going?

What if the house is haunted and the ghosts just don’t want to let us know?

Is that a police car or just a roof rack?

Is it okay for me to ask for help finding the self-help section of a bookstore?

If I buy two oranges, does that count as one item or two?

Why isn’t it called a teethbrush?

Why does the sun lighten our hair, but darken our skin?

Why doesn’t glue stick to the inside of the bottle?

Why doesn’t a psychic ever win the lottery?

Why doesn’t a psychic always win the lottery?

Is the speed of time one second per second?

What was the best thing before sliced bread?

What do little birdies see when they are knocked unconscious?

Does fuzzy math tickle?

Does everyone else have to put a black sock next to a navy blue sock in order to tell the difference?

We own a hot water heater. Why heat hot water?

If our knees bent the other way, what would our chairs look like?

If it were not for the last minute, would anything ever get done?

Why do they always tear up 10 miles of a highway to fix one mile of it?

If most of us are right-handed, why is the lever to flush the toilet on the left side?

Why is it that we inevitably bite into the only candy in a box of mixed chocolates that we do not like?

Why don’t we have any self-cleaning refrigerators?

How come there is no League of Men Voters?

If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat?

Why do we wear shirts with the names of the manufacturers of the shirt on them?

Why do cartoonists insist on signing their names so no one knows who did the drawing?

Why did we have Bunsen burners in chemistry class when we weren’t allowed to set the Bunsens on fire?

Did Shakespeare marry an Avon lady?

Did Gladys Knight ever sing &uot;I Hate the Sun&uot;?

Does using my turn signal really clear the other lanes?

Was my mother the only mother ever to say, &uot;Will you look at the dirt on the back of your neck?&uot;

Why do they name some airports after someone who died in an airplane crash?

Why would any woman marry a man who plans his wedding around the schedule of his favorite sports team?

Why don’t they make a TV quiz show that is like a spelling bee?

Why doesn’t the post office put the photos of wanted criminals on the postage stamps so those of us who don’t visit the post office often would have a better chance to find them?

Hartland resident Al Batt writes columns for the Wednesday and Sunday editions of the Tribune.