Column: My thoughts

Published 12:00 am Friday, March 24, 2006

John Focke, Behind the mic

Here is a list of thoughts I had this past weekend while turning my NCAA Tourney Bracket into Papier-Mache.

1) If Billy Donavon, Steve Lavin and Pat Riley lit their hair on fire, whose would run out of grease first? My guess; Riley followed by Donavon, but Lavin’s could burn for days.

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2) Where does Kevin Harlan think of the stuff he says? He once said Tracy McGrady sucked the gravity out of the entire building when he dunked.

This guy must sit at home and come up with these phrases.

3) Dick Vitale sometimes looks like Mr. Potato Head after he was left in the sun and then put in the microwave. Seriously, that guy needs to relax.

4) That deal the Vikings put together for Steve Hutchinson was the strangest, most confusing document I have ever attempted to read. It reminded me of reading &8220;Crime and Punishment&8221; during high school.

5) Kevin Garnett might be called overrated by Scottie Pippen. But he still makes the coolest commercials I have ever seen. That birth from a basketball one blows me away.

6) How do the people get Tiger Woods’ phone number when they call him to encourage him to win in that Buick commercial? Honestly, is there any way I could get it just to say hi sometime?

7) Can you get tennis elbow, or some form of arthritis from hoisting 39 shots a game? Kobe Bryant apparently wanted to find out this season and will let us know in June.

8) Are Dan Monson and Glenn Mason the same guy? Only one wears suits and the other polo shits? Can we get Joel Maturi on this pronto because I smell a seven-year deal about to be handed out..

9) I noticed Phil Mickelson is growing out his hair this PGA Tour season. Who does he think he is, the Adam Morrison of the PGA? I hope he completes the outfit with the same mustache.

10) And finally, even if I could grow a mustache like Adam Morrison, or Rollie Fingers. I wouldn’t.

With my bracket in shambles, I learned a very valuable lesson. If you owe a bookie thirty thousand dollars and he breaks your thumbs, you still owe a bookie $30,000.

Until next time.