Column: Bad luck with family dog ruins procession on Easter Sunday

Published 12:00 am Thursday, April 13, 2006

Love Cruikshank, Love Notes

There used to be a variety show on TV called &8220;Hee Haw&8221; in which one of the characters intoned, &8220;If it weren’t for bad luck, I’d have no luck at all.&8221; Every time I heard it it reminded me of the wife of our telephone manager back home.

She was a fine figure of a woman, tall, slender, willowy &045; I think you’d say. Moreover, before her marriage she’d studied dressmaking and her wardrobe looked like something out of a Vogue magazine.

She and her husband had twin daughters about five years younger than I. The family was completed by a large hunting dog &045;&160;one of those that seems to have a tight little marcel. The telephone manager liked to hunt. The dog was expensive, but because it had a severe case of mange, the owner more or less gave it away.

It was pathetic to see how hard the new owner worked over the creature. Down on his knees every evening with some sort of lotion. And as far as getting rid of the mange is concerned it was gone. It was not exactly an amiable dog. It liked men and it liked children. It counted a week ill spent in which it didn’t bite at least one woman.

One week there were three a school teacher, a nurse and a minister’s wife. Dragged into court, the telephone manager was willing to pay doctor bills for all three. But he blamed them. &8220;They wobble at him,&8221; he said. &8220;He doesn’t like to be wobbled at.&8221;

&8220;Of course not,&8221; the judge was, also, a hunter. &8220;I shall tell them simply to not move in his vicinity. No dog should have to put up with being wobbled at.&8221;

I suppose I’m thinking of all this right now because Easter is approaching and Easter was when the telephone manager’s wife came out strong. Starting several weeks in advance, she made new outfits for her and the twins.

This year it was a navy blue suit for her and two beautiful red coats for the children. The coats, too, were tailored and trimmed with four large white buttons in front. Beautiful!

Any woman would be justified in taking some pride in the effect and she had worked hard. Sadly just as they were approaching the church they were joined by Lad, the family dog.

His manners were bad, or to put it another way, he had none. He lifted his leg against a telephone pole and one of the twins, outraged by his lack of reverence on Easter Sunday, too, threw herself between him and the pole.

Oh woe! Oh woe! It was a sad little procession that made its way home, remembering no doubt that there are those of us who but for bad luck have no luck at all.

(Albert Lea resident Love Cruikshank’s column publishes Thursdays.)