I recently received the following in my e-mail. I have no idea who wrote it so that I could give credit to this person that seems to have lived us women’s lives. I also thought it was appropriate since Mother’s Day weekend is approaching. Sorry guys. (But not really.)

The next ‘Survivor’ series

Six married men will be dropped on an island with one car and three kids each for six weeks. Each kid will play two sports and either take music or dance classes. There is no fast food. Each man must take care of his three kids; keep his assigned house clean, correct all homework, and complete science projects, cook, do laundry, and pay a list of “pretend” bills with not enough money.

In addition, each man will have to budget in money for groceries each week.

Each man must remember the birthdays of all their friends and relatives, and send cards out on time — no e-mailing. Each man must also take each child to a doctor’s appointment, a dentist appointment and a haircut appointment. He must make one unscheduled and inconvenient visit per child to the urgent care. He must also make cookies or cupcakes for a social function. Each man will be responsible for decorating his own assigned house, planting flowers outside and keeping it presentable at all times. The men will only have access to television when the kids are asleep and all chores are done.

The men must shave their legs, wear makeup daily, adorn himself with jewelry, wear uncomfortable yet stylish shoes, and keep fingernails polished and eyebrows groomed. During one of the six weeks, the men will have to endure severe abdominal cramps, back aches, and have extreme, unexplained mood swings but never once complain or slow down from other duties.

They must attend weekly school meetings, church and find time at least once to spend the afternoon at the park or a similar setting. They will need to read a book to the kids each night and in the morning, feed them, dress them, brush their teeth and comb their hair by 7 a.m.

A test will be given at the end of the six weeks, and each father will be required to know all of the following information: each child’s birthday, height, weight, shoe size, clothes size and doctor’s name. Also the child’s weight at birth, length, time of birth, and length of labor, each child’s favorite color, middle name, favorite snack, favorite song, favorite drink, favorite toy, biggest fear and what they want to be when they grow up. The kids vote them off the island based on performance.

The last man wins only if … he still has enough energy to be intimate with his spouse at a moment’s notice.

If the last man does win, he can play the game over and over and over again for the next 18-25 years eventually earning the right to be called Mother! If the winner also holds down a job outside the home, he earns the title of Super Mom! And we need to throw in at least one pet for good measure.

After you get done laughing, send this to as many women as you think will get a kick out of it and as many men as you think can handle it. Just don’t send it back to me. I’m going to bed.

Response

My friend who e-mailed this to me told me later that when she read this it made her tired. This has been all of our lives and at the time we just do it and do not realize until later how exhausting it is. Yet being a mother is the most fulfilling career there is.

I have to admit as this Mother’s Day approaches that I have never found another career that means as much and equals that of being a mother and raising my children. (My children are going to think I am just saying that so I get good gifts on Mother’s Day.) But to me the best gift is watching your children grow and become the best they can be in spite of you.

They have survived the “don’t do that you might get hurt” and tried new and bold adventures. They have survived the “first time child syndrome” where you religiously watch every move trying to overprotect your children. They have survived the ups and downs of us trying to be the best moms we can be and making mistakes along the way. They have survived our trials and errors and loved us anyway.

Yes, as mothers we cook, we clean, we plan birthday parties and holidays. We wash clothes and get tired and testy when something gets broken.

But we also beam with pride the first time our children read a book or sing a song or say something cute. Our hearts break inside as we wipe away tears from that little face always assuring our baby that it is going to be OK. Mama can fix anything even if we don’t know how we are going to do that.

Author and humorist Erma Bombeck said it best: “Children make your life important.”

Happy Mother’s Day.

Wells resident Julie Seedorf’s column appears every Monday. Send e-mail to her at thecolumn@bevcomm.net or visit her blog at www.justalittlefluff.blogspot.com.