Psychiatrist Eric Berne discussed in his book, “Games People Play,” how we tend as human beings to set ourselves up to feel bad. It seems illogical that we would do this. Yet when I observe myself and others, I have noticed many of us seem to have an obsession for doing so.

One way we do this is to value having control over being at peace. I have often heard people say something like this: “I expect things to go wrong, so that when they do, I’m not so disappointed.” It’s as if we would rather things go negatively in the future and be right, than to feel good in the present right now.

We might be like the young woman I met on a plane a few years ago who was so afraid the plane would crash, she was already experiencing the fear as if we were crashing in that moment. She brought the terror of an unlikely future event into the present so she could feel bad now.

I recognize ways I have done this in the past include being afraid I’ll forget something important or worrying that someone won’t like me. Do you ever experience struggling with anxiety like this?

This dynamic is all unconscious, of course, so we may be surprised when we notice such a pattern in ourselves, even if we’ve been doing it for many years. We are like the fish who has been in water so long, it doesn’t even know it’s in water.

One way to cope with, and even change this self-destructive phenomenon, is to let ourselves choose conscious awareness. For example, few of us realize without thinking about it much, that now is all we have, and the future is just a fantasy. We make it up. Even when the so-called “future” comes, it is only a now in that moment. In other words, there is no way to the future. There is only experiencing the now.

So what will you do with your continual, everlasting now?

I invite you to join me in staying focused on what is good about this very moment. Let’s let go of punishing stories about our past or anticipated disappointments about the future. What’s good about what’s happening right now?

Even if we are in physical pain or financial turmoil, or there is stress in our job or in our relationship, there is much to focus on that is still good. We can choose this.

Remember, you have always survived every crisis thus far in your life, and you will continue to do so. Know that life itself survives — and can still thrive — within you. We will no longer pummel ourselves about our past or scare ourselves about the future. We’ll find gratitude for what is in this moment.

It’s time to feel better. Right now.

David Larson, M.S., C.P.C.C., is a licensed psychologist, life coach and leadership trainer. He can be contacted at the Institute For Wellness, 373-7913, or at his Web site, www.callthecoach.com. His writes for the Tribune on alternate Sundays.