A simple way to start calming your life

Published 3:20 pm Saturday, September 26, 2009

We live in a fast-paced society, don’t we? Managing work with home responsibilities, getting kids to their many activities, and struggling to make ends meet financially challenge our resourcefulness.

For many families, it seems like there is something going every night of the week. We’re drawn between family and friends, between hanging out with others or staying at home, between being with family members or being left alone. If it’s not the laundry, it’s the dishes or the housecleaning or the garage door repair or the computer problems or the grocery shopping or the meal-making or church activities or, or, or …

The trouble with being so busy is that it forces us to always be leaning our attention into the future. When do I have to be at my next commitment? What’s next? If I pick up the kids from school and take them to piano lessons, will I make it to my doctor’s appointment on time? …

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We cannot place our mind both in the present and in the future at the same time. By needing to keep thinking toward the future, we have trouble remaining in the present. And it is only in the present that joy exists. Even when the future comes, many of us are thinking about the next thing we need to get to, and miss the present then!

The evidence for our society depression can be observed in this high-paced lifestyle. It used to be we enjoyed “Leave It to Beaver” and picnics in the park. Now we seem to need sex on the screen, killing in the movies, and shocking reality shows on TV to feel like we’re alive. We’ve numbed ourselves out from the stress and need the adrenaline rush to convince us we’re having fun.

As with any addiction, the desired emotional effect fades quickly, and we must go back for more distraction to deal with our discomfort. We think the answer to our boredom lies in keeping busy, when often it is busyness that leads to boredom. There is little fulfillment in pushing from activity to activity.

The answer is simple, but not easy. Simple, because changing just one thing can really make a difference. This is it: SLOW DOWN.

I say “not easy” because most of us believe we can’t, or we again tell ourselves scary stories about what will happen if we do: “I’ll run out of money.” “People will think I’m lazy.” “Doing more means getting more out of life.”

For now, begin with this:

Focus your attention on your breathing.

Yep, that’s it.

You don’t have to do anything else. For this week, just pause three times a day for three minutes and focus on your breathing. Just breathe and notice. If you must do something else while focusing on your breathing, notice something of beauty in front of you, like a flower or the amazing sky.

Simple, isn’t it? Yes, but not easy. You may run into increased levels of anxiety as you begin this. You may have a gremlin in your head or in your family that will try to convince you it’s a waste of time or that it won’t work. Don’t buy into it. Conscious breathing is an effective way to practice single-minded focus, an essential element in experiencing joy.

Stop and smell the roses, my friend. There’s time. Really.

David Larson is a psychologist and personal life coach. He can be reached at the Institute for Wellness at 373-7913 or at his Web site, www.callthecoach.com.