Team Jacob is No. 2

Published 8:55 am Monday, November 23, 2009

Mandy: Hey friend! It’s been a long time. Where have you been?

Angie: Reading.

Mandy: What have you been reading?

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Angie: Entertainment Weekly in the bathroom.

Mandy: You’ve been gone for two months…

Angie: The good news is that Robert and Kristen seem to be dating.

Mandy: Are you okay?

Angie: I guess. I don’t think it would have worked out between Rob and me anyway. His hair is better than mine, and I’m married.

Mandy: I was talking about the two month absence.

Angie: I’m ready to do work, son. I feel like I’ve learned a lot in the past eight weeks, and I feel the need…

Mandy: For speed!

Angie: Just say no, Mands.

Mandy: You know who I would say no to? Edward Cullen.

Angie: Aw, crap. We just lost our two fans. In a totally related story, you just lost your two friends.

Mandy: With all the publicity for “New Moon”, it brought back the feelings of reading the book and falling in love with Jacob Black.

Angie: You drank the Quileute Kool-Aid!

Mandy: (sigh heavily) Team Jacob is not a cult.

Angie: I am open-minded enough to hear your dog argument.

Mandy: That’s just offensive.

Angie: So is your opinion.

Mandy: I thought you were going to be open-minded.

Angie: You’re right. I said I would hear you out and I will. Plus, I think you really need a friend right now. Obviously, you are in a crisis, and friends don’t let friends choose stinky, hairy werewolves over hunky undead vampires. I’m here for you.

Mandy: Thanks, I guess.

Reasons why Bella should switch to Team Jacob:

1. Jacob is alive. Which is to say, he is not dead.

2. Jacob wasn’t born before Bella’s great-grandfather. (Even Twihards have to agree Edward vampire math is yucky.)

3. Jacob’s brother will buy Bella a nice sweater for her birthday. Edward’s brother gave Bella attempted murder.

4. Jacob won’t ever forget to blink.

5. Jacob has a body temp of 104 degrees Fahrenheit. That will save Bella hundreds on electric blankets. Toasty.

6. Jacob never left Bella in the woods when it was raining; okay, it’s Washington state and it rains there a lot, but it still counts, and bugs crawled on her. (It doesn’t actually say that bugs crawled on her in the book but it’s a dense forest and you know she got bugged. Not cool.)

7. They can go to the beach on the one day the sun comes out in Forks and no one will shimmer.

8. Dating Jacob would be like going to Disney World; your only worry is height requirements. While dating Edward is like a trip to the Louvre: it’s beautiful but don’t touch.

9. Jacob doesn’t steal into your bedroom and watch you sleep at night… without your knowledge… for months.

10. This bears repeating: JACOB IS ALIVE. WHICH IS TO SAY, HE IS NOT DEAD!

Angie: Alright. Even I think Edward is a creepster now.

Mandy: Really? I don’t think I’ve ever won an argument with you… ever.

Angie: Mands, this isn’t over. For every point there is a counterpoint. Now it’s my turn, otherwise know as, the truth.

Mandy: But we’re out of print space.

Angie: Let’s do a blog-style throw down. Team Edward, shall retaliate.

To read the rest of the ‘New Moon’ book review, including “Reasons Bella Should Stay on Team Edward”, go to and click on blogs. The, look for the title “Bookends” to get reading recommendations, post comments, and suggest books to be reviewed. Email Angie and Amanda at