Jealousy requires within me a belief that joy comes from outside myself.

I have observed, for example, it’s much easier to believe money will make us happy when we are poor. This is because in our fantasies we imagine that this money will get us the things — the car, the vacation, the freedom from struggle, or other externals we think will bring relief.

However, those who are wealthy know this belief is a fallacy because they have experienced having money for whatever they needed, and it did not bring them lasting fulfillment.

Material things give us a short burst of excitement — the new outfit, the hairdo, the new car — and then the enthusiasm wears off. Somehow the appreciation fades and we are back again to wanting more.

Ridding ourselves of jealousy requires us to understand that joy does not come from outside us, and it does not come in the future. Joy is something that can only come from within. It is not attached to things, circumstances or situations.

And it can only be experienced now. If I rely on you liking me to feel good about myself, for example, I will be happy when you give me attention, but I will be sad when you ignore me. In this frame of mind, I need life to go the way I want it in order to enjoy it.

I don’t want to wait for life to go my way in order to be happy! I’m too vulnerable to feeling bad when things don’t turn out the way I like.

If joy doesn’t come from what’s going on around me, then where do I turn to find it? That which routes out jealousy is sourced from within. Joy comes from the realization that I am lovable. More precisely, it comes from the awareness that I am loved.

On a deeper level yet, the truth is I am love. Because of this, I can know that love is available to me right now. I can live with it 24 hours a day if I choose to. I have the capacity to learn to love myself.

If I love myself, everything that I expected would come to me through situations or circumstances outside myself, is now something I already have. I have peace. I rest in the realization that I am OK just the way I am. I have everything I need now. I connect with the love inside me that is available to me at anytime. It is independent from things or people around me.

When we have trouble loving ourselves, it is because we have lost the consciousness of who we are — we no longer see our magnificence. If you have lost sight of this, or have never seen it, find someone who can help you see the truth.

Your value is priceless on this planet. You must know it, and you must feel it to be free of jealousy and filled with joy.

David Larson, MS, CPCC, is a licensed psychologist, life coach and leadership trainer. He can be contacted at the Institute For Wellness, 507-373-7913, or at his website, www.callthecoach.com.