Column: Jon Laging, Talking Sports

When times are tough, our nation finds ways to escape the grim realities of life. One such escape is fantasy. The local theater in Harmony has played the latest Harry Potter film two weeks running. I don’t remember any other movie playing that long. Not even Titanic.

Naturally the many cable stations are taking advantage of the publicity surrounding the film and are running Harry Potter marathons. This is coming soon after the greatest movie fantasies of all time, the three pictures of the Lord of the Rings.

It’s certainly understandable why watching these make-believe hits is preferable to worrying about Afghanistan, the economy and our jobs.

Baseball is real, not life and death, but still, actual events. Suppose it wasn’t. Suppose we could participate in the fantasy world and build a team made up of characters from the Harry Potter books and film. Let’s do it. This then would be the team.

Let’s start with the Weasley Twins at second base and shortstop. They are quick on their feet and have an air of getting things done which is desirable for middle infielders. And being twins, they would know each others moves, thus making for a very good double play combination with their stick-um gloves. Professor Dumbledore belongs at first base. Nothing gets past him. You’ve heard of the old Chicago Cub double play combination; Tinker to Evers to Chance. The Potter fantasy team would have Weasley to Weasley to Dumbledore.

Centerfield would be manned by Sirius Black. He has shown the ability to cover a lot of ground, escaping from Azkaban and all that. And he has the ability to change into a large black dog to chase down long fly balls.

Third base belongs to Ron Weasley. You need a reliable brave person to play third. Left field is Hermione Granger. An all-wizard team has plenty of room for a girl. And she probably has the best wand at the plate. Right field needs a strong arm and should not be appointed sight unseen. It was decided that the right-fielder shall be determined by a catch and throw contest between all members of the Griffendor Quiddich team.

Catcher and team captain shall be Harry Potter himself. The wizard with the utmost courage and loyalty. The one player everyone relies on to do the right thing. He has a wonderful linage with parents that would not back down when under duress. Hagrid shall be the designated hitter. An imposing figure at the plate with his oak tree.

Who shall be the pitcher? There was a great deal of discussion but one thing the Wizards could all agree on was that the pitcher should be an intimidating figure. that the team’s pitcher shall be? The one who must not be named; the dark lord, yes, Lord Voldemort. He was claimed off waivers, because no one else seemed to want him. It was decided that Professor Dumbledore should be playing manager, because he was the only one that could sit the dark lord on the bench.

The Hogwart Wizards went undefeated that year.