The Nice Advice, by Leah Albert

Dear Leah,

My spouse is constantly watching TV. Early on in our relationship, it wasn’t so bad, but the TV is on the minute we get home from work until we go to bed at night and all weekend. I’m beginning to feel that “sitcom” means “no-com” between us. Is there a way to reverse this trend or is it a lost cause?

— Don’t Want “No-Com”

 

Dear “No-Com,”

Television watching can become an addiction like any other. It starts with a few shows here and there and builds to be a continual distraction, or in some cases, a companion for people when they’re lonely.

The statistics on TV viewing these days are actually quite startling. The average American watches 35.6 hours of TV a week with people over 65 watching 48.9 hours and children ages 2-11 watching 25.8 hours.

If your spouse is addicted, you should treat it like any other addiction:

First, one of you needs to address that it is a problem. If the TV watching is impacting other activities or your spouses’ health (such as with weight gain or depression), you could state this concern. Perhaps your spouse was waiting for you to address it directly. Be sure to ask why TV is consuming so much personal time — is it because of loneliness, boredom or the need to de-compress from the day? The answers will help you with the next step.

Second, you can develop a plan together to overcome the addiction. This plan will probably include watching less and less TV every day and finding more meaningful ways to fill the time. Do you have friends you haven’t seen in a while who could visit for a few hours or for dinner?

Maybe there are clubs or activities you can join together or individually. A walk outside in the fresh air or taking a ride in the car/on a motorcycle/in a boat is a great way to de-compress from a long day at work. Try for an hour at first and increase the time over the next few weeks.

Third, you will both need to be vigilant. Rainy days will make it easy to lapse in to watching TV, perhaps all day long. Don’t let this continue, but please do be forgiving and understanding if it does happen.

Reading books is a wonderful rainy day activity, and one you can do individually or together. You could cuddle up in a blanket together with some hot cocoa and make it an all day event. This will most likely bring about some really interesting conversation (that you have been craving), depending on book choices.

At some point, you may consider getting rid of a TV set and even scaling back to one. The average number of televisions per household is 2.5 — I know some families who have a television in every room of the house.

Something I always recommend for any couple is to keep the TV out of the bedroom. Not only does this encourage excessive TV viewing, it also gets in the way of natural sleep cycles and can really damage your relationship. It’s just not a good idea.

I also don’t recommend having a television in or near the dining room. Many studies have shown the importance of having meals as a family — please don’t allow for distractions (this includes cellphones).

Keep in mind that the characters in the entertaining plots we view on TV are doing things, not sitting around watching shows and movies. Imagine if we were as out and about as the characters we follow. We might not have their drama, but our lives would be more interesting and fulfilling.

We have limited time on this earth — especially with the people we love. It’s so important to be intentional and use that time doing something we truly enjoy!

Leah Albert is a fictitious character. She likes wine and writing. Don’t ask her to be a matchmaker. Do send your questions to Leah at theniceadviceleahalbert@gmail.com.