The Nice Advice, by Leah Albert

I’m going to take a break from giving advice this week to address an issue people often don’t ask for help with: suicide.

I have had many personal experiences with suicide — I’ve known friends who have felt so caught up in darkness they didn’t think they had another choice but to take their lives. Two of my closest friends suffered in this darkness for years, and it was truly hard to watch.

One was my incredibly bright, quick-witted, darling best friend from high school. She took pills to help her deal with the negative emotions that would spiral her down to the darkness she couldn’t overcome for months. But the pills didn’t really help — they just made her feel numb.

Another was my roommate throughout college and she was beautiful, brilliant and amazingly successful as both a student and an artist, but she felt she had no value. At one point, when we lived in another environment, she locked herself in her room for a week and was in the dark. It was so scary and none of us knew what to do other than huddle outside her door and call her family and the police for help.

I must admit, that for a brief time in my teenage years, I was also having thoughts of suicide. It was never beyond a fleeting possibility, but at the same time it was scary to have such a thought and know there was the potential to actually take my life.

Both of my friends have since recovered and are leading amazingly fulfilling lives. Our relationships are as strong as any friendship that has gone through many levels of darkness and come back to the light.

There was one friend I knew briefly a few years ago, who was overcome by the darkness. She was a teacher and an incredibly sensitive, giving person. I started late in a training that we had together and everyone else thought I was going to get too far behind and ultimately would fail it, but she welcomed me and went out of her way to help me get caught up. She had a loving husband and two darling children. She had fought the darkness since she was a child, and it had become too much a part of her existence. She had so much to offer — she saw the world in a different way and she gave so much hope to others.

People will suggest those who are suicidal are selfish, but it tends to be the exact opposite. Anyone I have known who has been depressed or suicidal has been extremely aware and empathetic to others. They tend to think there is something wrong with them, but (aside from some true chemical imbalances) people’s mental and emotional conditions have much to do with the environment surrounding them — either directly or on a larger level.

There are people who are greatly depressed because of the wars in the world, people dying of starvation or the degradation of the environment. It is not an easy thing to be sensitive in this world of ours. But the sensitive people are the ones who, when they find a means to have a voice, will make the changes that need to happen.

It’s important for us to be aware of the warning signs for suicide or any other mental health condition — just as we are with any physical conditions.

The Substance Abuse and Mental Health Administration has some really good information on its website regarding warning signs. Please ask for help if you or someone else is exhibiting these signs:

• Talking about wanting to die or to kill oneself.

• Looking for a way to kill oneself, such as searching online or buying a gun.

• Talking about feeling hopeless or having no reason to live.

• Talking about feeling trapped or in unbearable pain.

• Talking about being a burden to others.

• Increasing the use of alcohol or drugs.

• Acting anxious or agitated-behaving recklessly.

• Sleeping too little or too much.

• Withdrawing or feeling isolated.

• Showing rage or talking about seeking revenge.

• Displaying extreme mood swings.

There is also a free phone line for suicide prevention: 1-800-273-TALK (8255). Sometimes people feel like they don’t have other options; we need to show them they do and help them see the light.

Leah Albert is a fictitious character. She likes wine and writing. Don’t ask her to be a matchmaker. Do send your questions to Leah at theniceadviceleahalbert@gmail.com.